RN39062023

STORY:

One party, seizing the children in an embattled relationship or marriage has existed from time immemorial but today has become very rampant. Yesterday, we read on the LinkedIn Page of National Center for Missing & Exploited Children the lamentation of the mother of Tammy, 3 and Diego, 2, allegedly abducted in 2007 by their dad and  their whereabouts are unknown till today.

As of  today,  we have made several representations to the  Lagos State Police Command, Gender Desk to trace the whereabouts of the 4 children of our client, who we believe were taken away by their father, one Lawrence EKWUEDO, in active connivance with the police for close to 2 years now. Mr. Lawrence, who had been found by the Directorate of Public Prosecutions to have a case of Domestic Violence had earlier for close to 5 years denied their mother access to them.

Recently, we supported our client, working with the  Lagos State Office of The Public Defender to regain custody of her daughter who was whisked away from him for close to 2 years by the estranged wife. We have even seen an instance, where the part, denying a mother access to her precious children is a senior Nigerian legal practitioner.

The foregoing are just a few of the cases which have come to our table, as a Child-Focused law firm, both in the past and recent times. Still on our table today is the case of a woman, who has taken the 2 children of her previous marriage out of the country and their father has not known their whereabouts in the last 5 years. This is the second case of this nature that we have attended to in recent years.

We have been a matter where a father held on to the children of her broken marriage for years and the mother had secured a court order to gain custody. When the father would not obey the court order, the officers of the court had to forcefully remove the children from the custody of the father.

Thus, it resonates when we read in  legit.ng that a Nigerian woman moved to the US with her two kids after secretly applying for their visas without the knowledge of the husband. The wife had upon getting to the US blocked the husband’s phone contacts.

Another variant of this issue is where men walk away from home, abandoning their precious children and their welfare to their estranged wives and partners. At a time in our firm, we were simultaneously dealing with like 8 women facing this kind of situation.

We have also seen instances where parents indoctrinate their precious children against their partners. There was this case where a father alleged that her son told him that the mother said he was a blood-sucking vampire, who is too wicked to mean well for anyone.

SENSES (Child Safeguarding and Protection Principle):

It is intriguing why people put their precious children in the line of battle when relationships or marriages do not work. We have seen that this happens in cases where parties are not able to amicably agree to go their separate ways. They often bow to the bitterness that underlines an unfriendly  breakup and sacrifice the best interest of the precious and innocent children of the relationships.

The precious children involved are denied the joy and right of being raised by both parents. This joy and right are already attacked by the separation or divorce of their parents, who were once raising them together.

In most cases, these precious children suffer all forms of abuse including emotional and neglect. In one of the cases we were part of, the mother, who was in the city, took the only  child of her previous marriage and dumped her with her aged parents in a remote village. She was not with the child, and she would not allow the father either access or custody.

The Child Safeguarding and Protection implications of using as swords and shields precious children of embattled  relationships cannot be quantified. In our professional opinion, it damages the children for a lifetime. Separation or divorce, even where parents can agree to co-parents still have serious negative Child Safeguarding and Protection consequences, except parties are very careful in managing the situation, not to talk of when parents now enlist their precious children in their battles of estrangement.

Some people may argue that it is sometimes a wise decision for a partner to take children away where leaving them to their estranged partners may endanger the lives of the children, due to violent or other dangerous precedents and tendencies of the partners involved. This may be true, but it is a decision that a partner cannot take unilaterally. Such a decision must be submitted to the law. To do otherwise will be to employ jungle justice and jungle justice WILL never be in the best interest of the child.

In conclusion, we do not blame the couples who do the things we have pointed out here today. We must be careful not to blame people whose shoes we are not in. Besides, blaming them does not help them to do better. We also think that some of them may take their decisions thinking they represent the best interest of their precious children by the  time we take a careful look at the circumstances surrounding the breakup.

Some may not even know better in terms of the options available to them and the impact of their actions. Thus, educational advocacy, such as this becomes critical.

Sometimes, the justice system, particularly in Africa, does not encourage parties to approach the law. In one of the cases, we cited above, our client was granted custody of her precious children for one night after she had been denied access for close to 5 years. The temptation was for her to also disappear with the children. But we opposed that temptation. Alas, upon returning the children to her estranged partner, she has not known their whereabouts for close to 2 years now. She now feels she was a fool for respecting the law and returning the children.

STONE (Call to action):

The breakdown of a marriage or relationship can be a difficult and traumatic process, particularly where children are involved. It changes the family structure and can reduce the daily presence and availability of one parent. It is important to support our children’s well-being and rights throughout the process, to help them adjust to separation or divorce.

Therefore, without prejudice to the pain and bitterness of betrayal and other causes of the breakup of a relationship, we appeal to couples to find the fortitude to consider the best interest of their precious children and decide that no matter how much they hurt or bleed as a result of a breakup, they would do their best to protect the best interests of their innocent children, who were brought to this world without their consent and are not part of problems, leading to the breakup.

Secondly, we believe that what we are advocating here may not be easy. Therefore, we encourage couples to seek  psychosocial and legal support, and find helpful support groups when they are in vulnerable situations in the aftermath of a breakup. Seeking meaningful support at vulnerable times is a tested coping mechanism.

A child’s sense of safety and protection depends often on the peaceful relationships of the parents. Anything short of this has an eternal negative impact on our precious children and this must be put in the front burner of  consideration if it becomes inevitable for couples to go their separate ways. There should be an arrangement on custody and access to the children in their BEST INTEREST ALWAYS, with due consultation with the relevant laws and experts.

Finally, we advise that the precious children who are in the eye of the storm of access need support and should be made to get psychosocial support immediately.