SEX IS BIG: 16 DAYS OF SEX TALK(Day 13): GUIDELINES TO RESPONSE: SEXUAL ABUSE (1)

Culled from our Instructional Manuals: S.A.F.E™ for YOU

TIP 104

“You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of”. Jim ROHN

Welcome to our discussion today my dear and precious young ones. Sure you are doing great. We thank God for preserving our lives till date. I am here excited to support you in your commitment to protect yourself from all forms of abuse.  I am most mostly excited that we are beginning to discuss your responses to all forms of abuses.

Today, I will introduce you to what I believe your response should be to suspicion of abuse or actual abuses. Let me dwell a bit on the word, ‘response.’

Please note that the word ‘response’ is related to the word, ‘responsibility.’ It simply means you have a RESPONSIBILITY to prevent all the factors, which attack your Personal Safety. It is not a responsibility you can delegate or should delegate, depending on your age. Please note that response is stronger than reaction. Reaction may be an after-thought while response is proactive and it is often based on intelligence.

To be proactive is to believe for the best but prepare to handle the worst of situations. Many young people are not well schooled in this area.

I will begin to share with you the guidelines to your responses to all the forms of abuse, we have discussed before.  I shall break down your responses according to each of the form of abuse. It is time to fasten your seat belt and get ready to take responsibility for your protection as follows:

Sexual Abuse: concerning sexual abuse, either non-consensual or consensual is not appropriate for children as stated earlier. Please note that according to the law a child does not have the capacity to consent to sexual relationship either with an adult or peer. Any form of sexual relationship with peer or adult by anyone below the age 18 years old among to nothing but abuse. Therefore anyone below the age of 18 years cannot give consent for sexual relationship both to an adult or peer. It is not also a defence for an adult, who is caught having sexual relationship with anybody below 18 years of age that at the point of entering into sexual relationship with such person, he/she was under the belief that the person was above 18 years.

Having spent time to refresh your memory on what must be your primary position on Sexual Abuse, I will proceed to share with you how you can protect yourself from same.

I charge you to pay SERIOUS ATTENTION to the following:

  1. Watch your body Language: you must not be saying one thing and your body language is saying another. Avoid touches that are capable of arousing you or put you in the mood for sex.
  2. Conditioning of your mind through Media: be careful the kind of music you listen to and the movies you watch. First, do not listen to music or watch movies, which are meant for adults. Such music and movies confuses your mind and prepares you for what you are not prepared for.

The THINK Factor

I charge you think about what we have shared today and resolve to begin to practice same if you have not started already. Take time to really reflect and share your thoughts in your S.A.F.E™ 4 YOU Personal Journal

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SEX IS BIG: 16 DAYS OF SEX TALK(Day 12): ‘CHILD MARRIAGE’ AND ‘CHILD PROSTITUTION? MIND YOUR LANGUAGE (3)

 Culled from our Instructional Manuals: S.A.F.E™ for YOU

TIP 77

It’s child abuse, and that’s the term that should be used,” Fleur STRONG

Welcome to this page today, my dear and precious young ones.

I think I will be wrapping up this discussion on ‘Child Marriage’ and ‘Child Prostitution’ today.

Please note that this so-called industry doesn’t exist as we describe it today. Prostitution largely suggests a voluntarily involvement in commercial sex for material gains. It suggests voluntary capacity to negotiate sex for commercial benefits. Prostitution is defined by the English dictionary to mean, ‘the practice or occupation of engaging in sexual activity with someone for payment.’

The phrase ‘Child Prostitution’ as it is used today may suggest that children voluntarily gets involved in prostitution and therefore could be referred to as ‘Children Prostitutes.’

Please note that the precious children, who are today referred to as ‘Child Prostitutes’ are Child Sex Slaves, who are being mercilessly robbed of their God-ordained innocence and dignity of human person. This kind of brazen robbery of our precious children of their virtues earns the robbers huge financial gains.

This illegal trade of Child Sex Slavery fetch the perpetrators billions of dollars. The robber has everything to GAIN for it and our precious children have everything to lose for it.

These precious souls are held in the captivity of sex slavery with fear, intimidation and all kinds of threats. Apart from the fact that their lives are threatened by their slave masters, their being used as sex slaves is a threat to theirs precious lives. Many have actually been killed in the process of being used as sex slaves.

In view of the foregoing, permit us to submit to you our dear young people, we live in a perverted world, where your fellow children suffer frightening and almost irreparable legion of abuses and yet our insensitive world hold the children responsible.

You as children and young people suffer double jeopardy. You are ABUSED and ACCUSED. The abusers do not take RESPONSIBILITY not to talk of turning a new leaf. Deliberately or by default, they come up with narratives, shrouded in misleading labels like ‘Child Marriage,’ ‘Child Prostitution’ and many more.

Unfortunately, some of the genuine defenders of the your rights, both individuals and institutions, in some cases either use or coin these labels, which agree with the narratives of the abusers, without carefully examining same and its impact.

My position on ‘Child Marriage’ and ‘Child Prostitution’ is to expose this subtle game of abusing our precious children and finding convenient narratives to distract the best of us and the rest of the public from the real issues. This subtle trick presents our precious children as the ABUSED and the ACCUSED, thereby sealing their fate and sentencing them to a life of unchecked and perpetual abuse.

The THINK Factor

All I charge you do is as follows that concerning these discussions on Sex and Sexuality and ‘Child Marriage’ and ‘Child Prostitution’ which we have taken some days to discuss, I charge you to think deeper and do as follows:

  • Read carefully
  • Reflect thoroughly
  • Read further
  • Discuss deeply
  • Form opinion
  • Share opinion

With WHOM do you DISCUSS?

  • Your group, if you are using the Handbook as a group
  • Your peers in schools, neighbourhood, religious places of worship and others
  • Your caregivers, parents, teachers and others, who provide cares for you one way or the other
  • Your social media platforms, where you are of age to use them

WHY should you DISCUSS?

  • To share your findings as expressed in our positions, get theirs too and form your informed opinion.

To WHOM do you SHARE your informed opinion?

  • Your peers in schools, neighbourhood, religious places of worship and others
  • Your caregivers, parents, teachers and others, who provide cares for you one way or the other
  • Your social media platforms, where you are of age to use them

WHY should you SHARE?

  • To get others to see what you have seen
  • To build a peaceful army of peers and caregivers, who will ensure that young people like you are protected
  • To be part of the noble cause of building a new generation of young people, who are fully involved in their own safety and protection

 

 

Happy Fathers’ Day, Mothers!

As we mark Father’s Day today, my heart and encouragement go out to many women and mothers, who to the best of their ability play the roles of fathers in the lives of their precious children, same roles haven been abandoned by the fathers.

The foregoing is a growing and disturbing phenomenon, which our nation and her private and public institutions can only abandon at their own peril. It is never the design of God that mothers should entirely play the roles of father and mother as one person.

Remember, Idi Ami Dada and the havoc he wrecked on his nation and people. According to Wikipedia, ‘abandoned by his father at a young age, Idi Amin grew up with his mother’s family in a rural farming town in north-western Uganda.’  Joseph Stalin, the Soviet Union dictator, who ordered and oversaw the uncanny pogrom of his people was raised without the support of the father. It is high time we began to pay adequate attention to how we are raising our precious boy children to under stand the uniqueness of their roles first in the family and their immediate and general environment.

By virtue of where I sit as a Social Development Lawyer, whose area of professional influence and interest is primarily the family institution, I have lost count of how many women, whose matters I have handled directly, refer or counsel with, whose husbands have run away from home and abandoned the awesome responsibilities of fatherhood to the mothers.

There are other category of women, whose husbands die and the families of their late husbands sit on the estates of the husbands, depriving the widows and their precious children of the deserved access to their late breadwinners’ estate. Most of these women had laboured tirelessly with their late husbands to build their estates.

I also work with another group of women, who are divorced or separated from their husbands for sundry reasons, including but not exclusive to domestic violence and despite court orders and intervention of government agencies, mandating the fathers to take responsibilities for the upkeep of the precious children have refused or failed to live up to the mandate. Some of these fathers just seem to be above the law.

There is another category of women, who have never been married to the fathers of their precious children. Some of the fathers were married before they had something with these women and from whence these precious children came. Some of the fathers were singles, who had affairs with these women in the days of their youth and have never been there for the precious children.

There is yet another category of women, who are neither separated nor divorced from their husbands. They live under same roof with their husband and precious children, but the fathers are there as if they are not there. It has become the burden of such mothers to play the roles of father and mother to their precious children.

There is another category of women, who the precious children they father are not their biological children. These noble women have become voluntary foster parents or guardians to the children of their relatives abandoned by the fathers.

There are also women, who play the roles of fathers by virtue of the fact that they run orphanage and rehabilitation homes.

As many as these categories are, which I am sure I have not exhausted her,  my intervention and experience reveal to me that many of these men are third or second generation absentee fathers. This is very frightening for me.

Most of these women that I know have sacrificed their lives so that their precious children can live a meaningful present and future. One of these women once unburdened to me that, ‘I also try to help stabilise her emotionally, which costs a hundred percent of my attention. In the process, am unable to live.’  Many of these unsung amazons are acquainted with sorrow of abandonment and grief of loneliness. There are many of them, who live in abject poverty and yet strive to find the best of help for their precious children.

Some of these women are not only fending for their precious children, they are servicing the debt either jointly entered into or solely entered into by the fathers of their children.

In a Third World country like Nigeria, where there is no social support system and public social services, strongly undergirded by the principles and practice of Social Protection, most of these mothers are practically on their own, in providing economic and social succour for their precious children.

Now, if the foregoing have been available, it would have only eased only a minute part of the mothers’ unusual burden. It is important to note that while meeting the economic needs of these precious children are very critical, they are not as important as the social and emotional needs of these precious children, which these honourable women are left to carry.

A father is a source and sustainer. Source or origin is fundamental to the identity of an entity. Functions are lost in the wilderness of lack of identity. You cannot do what you are born to do, if you do not know, who you are born to be. Fathers point the precious child to his/her identity and helps him/her to discover and give full expression to his/her potentials. The mother reinforces and builds on the foundation laid by the father. The father as a sustainer is first there as a spiritually and emotionally stable person to prepare the precious child, by example for life and its countless and meandering intricacies. The sustainer, provides resources, which finance is the least, but positive value system is the chief. The sustainer helps the precious child to answer the questions of origin, morality, meaning and destiny, as identified by Ravi Zacharias as the four questions every person must answer to make sense of life.

It is therefore a herculean task for a woman to stand in the roles of a father, not to talk of playing both the roles of father and mother.

You know the most painful part of my experience? Some of these mothers, who played the roles of fathers live in some level of bitterness. At the height of their bitterness, they indoctrinate their precious children against their run-away fathers. They forget that such prepare the precious children for a tough family life in the future. The fact of the disappearance of the fathers is already very damaging to the precious child in the present and future, except there is divine intervention, not to talk of the extra burden brought by negative indoctrination. There are some of these precious children, who today are at loggerheads with their mothers because they want to know who their fathers are and the mothers do not deem it fit to oblige them.

I must not in any way condemn or judge these distinguished mothers, who are doing their best to be fathers to their precious children as a result of their fathers refusing or failing to do so. I am not in their shoes and if I claim I know, where it pinches I will not only be lying but also be insensitive. The absentee fathers are real culprits in this situation

All, I do today is to celebrate and encourage you that there are some individuals, who appreciate your daunting but noble efforts to give your precious children a hope and future. All I appeal to you to do is for you to understand that it is by the grace of God Almighty that you are alive and standing for the best of your precious children.

I appeal to you to keep going, knowing that God is behind the scenes, working everything to work together for your good and that of your precious children. I appeal to you today to cast all of your burdens, (including, when you become bitter due to seemingly unbearable pressure) into God’s hands and watch Him be your peace as He fathers those precious children through you and brings a father figure to support you at His own time.

I plan to either call or send a message to as many mothers that I know doing their best to play the roles of mothers today. I hope I will be able to achieve this task, for they are many that I know.

I celebrate you today dear mothers and wish you an INSPIRED Fathers’ Day.

I am The Preacher, I SPEAK for the PRECIOUS AFRICAN CHILD.

 

SEX IS BIG: 16 DAYS OF SEX TALK(Day 11): ‘CHILD MARRIAGE’ AND ‘CHILD PROSTITUTION? MIND YOUR LANGUAGE (2)

FOREWORD

Today is the day of the African Child and we wish the precious African Child meaningful Day of the African Child, where your best interest becomes the deciding factor of all the actions or omissions of your primary and secondary caregivers.

Culled from our Instructional Manuals: S.A.F.E™ for YOU

TIP 76

“Child prostitute” implies consent, stigmatizes victims, and downplays the crime” Jon BIRD

Welcome to our discussion today my dear and precious young ones.

I am here to continue our discussion on ‘Child Marriage and ‘Child Prostitution.’ You will recall that yesterday I took time to say to you that the ‘Child Marriage’ is a phrase which creates the wrong impression that a child can be a bride.

Let me make my point further by showing you what I consider to be the basic ingredients of marriage:

  • Capacity: capacity here refers to age or maturity. In this instance, this is a function of number. Anybody below 18 years doesn’t have capacity to enter into marriage. It is important to note that though capacity is measured by age, it also speaks to psychological and physiological development of the parties.
  • Consent: this refers to mutual agreement to enter into a marriage relationship. Even where parties pass the test of capacity, they must of necessity consent to the relationship. Consent here must be an informed consent and not coaxed or induced.
  • Consummation: upon contracting a marriage, there is what is known as consummation of the marriage. This simply refers to sexual intercourse between a man and a woman, who are married. Under the law, a child does not have capacity to give consent to sex voluntarily or induced. Therefore a child cannot consummate a marriage and consummation goes to the root and validity of a marriage relationship. Any sexual relationship with a child in the name of ‘marriage’ is nothing but blatant abuse and violation of the innocence of the precious child, girl or boy.

It is high time that you as young people urge those who campaign for your protection from all forms of abuse go back to the drawing board, with the aim of defining the scope of their social interventions and most importantly, the right language with which to accurately capture same.

It is my belief that traditional definitions cannot help to do justice the cause of protecting our precious children.

I boldly submit today that there is no such thing like ‘Child Marriage.’ Our coinage, ‘Domesticated Child Sexual Abuse or Molestation,’ is an attempt to name this practice for what it is. It may not describe same fully. But it is a call to all genuinely interested defenders of your rights, (including you) to take another but careful look at our noble causes and the terms we employ.

My challenge to you today is to join the crusade that we will not rest until we find expression, which are in compliance with your BEST INTEREST as a young person. Marriage is a sacred and spiritual relationship and it is not meant for children

The THINK Factor

You see, to agree that forcefully giving out a child to a man or woman is ‘Child Marriage’ will mean to say that a paedophile is a husband, a sexually molested child is a wife, and the suspects, who forcefully joined them in ‘crimetrimony’ are in-laws. Do you agree with these thoughts? If you agree or disagree, what are your reasons? Take time to really reflect and share your thoughts in your S.A.F.E™ 4 YOU Personal Journal.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SEX IS BIG: 16 DAYS OF SEX TALK(Day 10): SEX AND SEXUALITY: ‘CHILD MARRIAGE’ AND ‘CHILD PROSTITUTION? MIND YOUR LANGUAGE (1)  

Culled from our Instructional Manuals: S.A.F.E™ for YOU

TIP 75

Children are not prostitutes but victims of crime.’ Thomson Reuters Foundation 

I am glad to be with you today my dear and precious young one. I am still very excited now, like I was when we started this great discussion, leading us to the Promised Land of Personal Safety and Self-Protection.

I am excited because I know that you are reading through these pages, coming in contact with something written for your best interest; as you read, you are increasing learning; and as you increase learning, you become wiser by the day. With wisdom, you are better off, you are countless miles far ahead of the abuser or predator and voluntary and involuntary agents of pain.

I am still discussing this ‘Child Marriage’ and many issues surrounding it. I am interested in proving to you that it is real and you must stand against it for yourself and others, particularly those who cannot speak for themselves. Here are some additional facts to the ones I gave you before.

According to statistics on the UNWOMEN’s website http://www.unwomen.org:

  • 700 million women alive today were said to have been ‘married’ before 18 and more than one-third are said to be less than 15 years old when they were ‘married.’
  • One in three girls in developing countries (except China) gets ‘married’ before they turn 18.’ This translates to the fact that 15(fifteen) million children may be ‘married’ out before they are 18 years and this act truncates their childhood, education, health and gets them to begin to have children when they are themselves children and are not prepared for same both psychologically and physiologically

I have big issues with the expressions known as ‘Child Marriage’ and ‘Child Prostitution.’ I strongly believe that the use of the expressions (‘Child Marriage’ and ‘Child Prostitution’) shields the evil of both practices and gives a sense of legitimacy to the practices.’

Permit me to say to you that by the universally acceptable definition of marriage as voluntary union between a man and a woman, it is impossible for a child to marry or be married.

Therefore what we all inaccurately refer to as ‘Child Marriage’ today is nothing but what I call ‘Domesticated Child Sexual Abuse or Molestation’(DCSA/M)

We are aware that there is a minority of people, who for personal gains or narrow argument from the perspective of religion, who are of the view that a child (any one below 18) could ‘marry’ or be ‘married.’ But it is high time we made it clear that such position does not pass the test of universality of the age-long description of the sacred institution of marriage.

Besides, considering the dire and bizarre consequences of the practice forcing a child into sexual relationship with an adult in the name of ‘marriage,’ it is clear that such is against natural order of creation.

We are also aware that the campaigners against this practice may use the expression of ‘Child Marriage’ for ease of understanding. But my challenge is that we cannot sacrifice truth and universal definitions on the altar of ease of understanding.

A child cannot be said to have ‘married.’ Every child, who is in the house of a man or woman today is not in ‘marriage.’ She or he is suffering from what I have chosen to refer to as ‘Domesticated Child Sexual Abuse or Molestation.’ (DCSA/M).

I think we should end our discussion here today. Tomorrow is another day. Do have an INSPIRED day.

The THINK Factor

What do you think about the term, ‘Child Marriage’? Do you think it exists? Whatever, your response is, please think about the reasons for your response. Take time to really reflect and share your thoughts in your S.A.F.E™ 4 YOU Personal Journal.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SEX IS BIG: 16 DAYS OF SEX TALK(Day 9): SEX AND SEXUALITY: ‘CHILD MARRIAGE’ AS SEXUAL ABUSE 

Culled from our Instructional Manuals: S.A.F.E™ for YOU

TIP 74 

“I have big issues with the expressions known as ‘Child Marriage’ and ‘Child Prostitution.’ I strongly believe that the use of the expressions (‘Child Marriage’ and ‘Child Prostitution.’ shields the evil of both practices and gives a sense of legitimacy to the practices.” Taiwo AKINLAMI

 Welcome to our discussion today my dear and precious young ones. Sure you were able to take some time to think about our discussion yesterday about ‘Consensual Sexual Activity’ and you were able to share your findings with trusted friends.

Today, I want to discuss with you another form of Child Sexual Abuse. It is called Child Marriage and I believe you will find it interesting.

Child marriage is forcing children into marriage. It mostly affects girls but there are also few cases boys being forced into marriage too. Here are the shades of child marriage:

  • A girl child is forced into marriage with a male adult
  • Two children(boy and girl) are forced into marriage
  • A boy child is forced into marriage with a female adult

Child marriage is against the best interest of the child because under the law a child does not have the CAPACITY to give CONSENT for marriage.

According to United Nations Population Funds (UNFPA):

  • Child marriage is a human rights violation;
  • Despite laws against it, the practice remains common, in part because of persistent poverty and gender inequality;
  • In developing countries, one in every three girls is married before reaching age 18. One in nine is married under age 15.
  • Child marriage threatens girls’ lives and health, and it limits their future prospects.
  • Girls pressed into child marriage often become pregnant while still adolescents, increasing the risk of complications in pregnancy or childbirth.
  • These complications are a leading cause of death among older adolescents in developing countries.

According to Sections 21 & 22 of the Child’s Rights Act, 2003, a person below the age of 18 years cannot validly contract marriage, and parents or guardians are also prohibited from betrothing or giving their children out in marriage

What I have done today is to bring you the facts as they are both from statistics and the law. I do not intend to do much in discussing more than this today. Later in our discussions, I will look into this issue of ‘Child Marriage’ again and link same with another issue called ‘Child Prostitution.’ Please be expectant and excited to learn about these issues. Do have an INSPIRED day.

The THINK Factor

‘Child Marriage’ is today very rampant among the poor and their precious children. If you are from a highly placed or middle class family. Why do you think this matter should concern you? I want you to really think about this. Take time to really reflect and share your thoughts in your S.A.F.E™ 4 YOU Personal Journal.

 

SEX IS BIG: 16 DAYS OF SEX TALK(Day 8): SEX AND SEXUALITY: WHAT DO YOU KNOW? (3)

Culled from our Instructional Manuals: S.A.F.E™ for YOU

TIP 73

“If you can control yourself sexually, you can control yourself.  Period.” A. GREEN

I am sure you are doing great today my dear and precious young ones. I am sure you believe me when I tell you, you are dear and precious. You really are dear to my heart because, without you a family and a nation does not have a future. You are precious because you are the hope for today and the future both for yourself, your family and your nation.

So, if the next time you see the words, ‘dear’ and ‘precious’, as you have been seen it here, just know that I mean it with all my breath. How do you now know that you believe it? Yes, this is how you know, you will not treat yourself less than dear and precious and you will never allow any living being to treat you less than dear and precious.

It is a long introduction, right? Yes, I know, I just have this strong nudge in my heart to share this with you before I journey into our discussion today.

Yes, today, I am still looking at the Sex and Sexuality issues and I am asking the question: HAVE WE LOST CONTROL?

We all seem to have lost control in the face of over democratization of media platforms. Hmm…What is this big word, ‘over democratization of media platforms’? Do not mind me. It is the lawyer in me that wrote that. It simply means availability of many media platforms, particularly, social media platforms, which you are very much used to.

We are not able to define the pressure, not to talk accepting the need to acquire the requisite and inevitable skills to deal with same in our best interest as young people.

Today, the media, working and banking on our ignorance and unconsciousness does not teach you about your SEXUALITY. There is no plan in horizon on the part of today’s media, its promoters and investors and our caregivers to change their course of actions. The promoters and investors of the media smile to the banks, destroying the destiny of our precious children and young people, cruising comfortably at a very high altitude of our ignorance and nonchalance as both young and old.

The agenda of those who know better and seek to represent the protection of children from this war of indecent exposure and bastardization of their God-given and priceless gift of SEXUALITY is very high in unguarded anger and erratic intervention. The agenda of the defenders of our children is very weak in vision, strategy, tactics, persistency, selflessness and sense of mission. We often think that a good cause succeeds simply because it is good. Unknown to us, causes, good or bad succeed because of the total commitment of their champions to finding and adhering to superior strategy, based on critical thinking and intelligence. I guess that is why Montesquieu said, ‘power does not shift except for superior power.’

I have long argued that exposing children to inappropriate media contents, with direct sexual contents or suggestions constitutes nothing but sexual abuse as it perverts the children’s understanding of their sexuality. The implication of this is that it puts our precious children in a sad situation, where they participate actively in their own abuse either as perpetrated by a peer or an adult.

It is my  very SOBER and careful conclusion today that as you join this discussion, you must make a deliberate commitment to stop the present ugly tide, which prepares and serves you as a young person as ready prey of sexual abuse to your peers and adults.

You must begin serious conversations with your peers and caregivers, which aim is to help DISCOVER and DEFEND your SEXUALITY as a mental and spiritual tool to understand the essence of our gender and how to take adequate and informed steps to PRESERVE, PROTECT, DEFEND and CELEBRATE Same.

It is CHILDHOOD and its GLORY which come under cruel but subtle attack when our precious children are sexually abused through exposure to inappropriate materials.

The THINK Factor

I Charge you to think about our discussion today and ask yourself what you would do to join the fight to restore sanity to our airwaves, first in your personal life and second with people very close to you as family and friends. Do not take this lightly. Decide to do something, knowing that CHANGE starts with ONE and that ONE is YOU! Take time to really reflect and share your thoughts in your S.A.F.E™ 4 YOU Personal Journal.