Child’s Rights and Discipline: The UNCOMMON Theory (24)

Hello fellow custodians, please join me as I share with you the 19th core habit of a purposeful, disciplined and effective disciplinarian:  Do not be a judge in your own cause

Sincerity demands that we accept that every human being has a cause for which his/she is ready to sacrifice everything. Please note that I did not say everyone has a noble cause. A cause does not have to be noble to be a cause. A cause is a cause and every cause has its own rewards, joy or misery. The challenge is that only few ever identify the cause that is dear to them so they are not able to relate to it intentionally. The rest of the people on the face of the earth live for their cause by default. (Opening Charge)

I guess that is why the Yoruba Philosophy concludes, ‘it it what you live for that dominates your treasures.’ It therefore means that for us to identify our cause, we should look at what dominates our treasures. Please note that the word, ‘treasures’ here is used subjectively. It means what I call treasures may be different from what the other person sees as treasures. Our treasures are determined by our values and our values are determined by our experiences.

I will do us a lot of good to know and accept that each man has a cause. This will help us to take a critical look at our lives and determine our cause by taking inventory of our treasures. If we find them noble, we embark on a journey of reinforcement and if find them ignoble, we embark on a journey of repentance and bearing the fruits of repentance. How do we know whether a cause is noble or otherwise? Well, it is by aggregating our cause with universal principle of common good.

This is the kind of person or mindset we need to have in matters of child discipline and development. My admonition today is that as we make attempt to discipline our children, we must pause and sincerely ask the question, whose cause do I represent here. The truth is that you must not discipline for your cause. You can only discipline for the cause of the child. What is the cause of the child? The best interest of the child is the cause. The only time you can discipline according to your own cause is when there is a marriage between your well articulated cause and the cause of the child.

If you find your through soul searching that your cause is at variance with the cause of the child, you must be very careful not be a judge in your own cause. You must therefore ask for help from other custodians. Please note that only few people can be a judge in their own cause. When I say few, I mean very very few. I guess that is why the highest law of our land, the constitution of Nigeria provides that a man or woman must not be a judge in his/her own cause.

Anyone, who does not see discipline as something you do for the child instead of something you do against the child already has a cause which is at variance with the cause of the child and the real purpose of discipline. He/she will not be a just judge. Custodians in the foregoing categories are easily offended and once you are offended, the next thing you want to too is to assuage the pain of offence. And how do you assuage the pain of offence? We simply seek revenge. Revenge comes with anger and bitterness. That is why we have custodians (parents, teachers and others), who hold the children under their care in ‘unforgiveness.’ What a fallacy? I mean a grand fallacy, to hold in offence and seek revenge a child, you are called by God to give a future and a hope.

In my working with custodians in the last 15 years, I have met many angry and bitter custodians, who seek nothing but revenge. The unfortunate thing is that either through ignorance or self-deception or both, the custodians in this category still claim to discipline the child. They pride themselves in being disciplinarians. Unfortunately, in some cases, the children under their abuse are also brainwashed to believe that their custodians are disciplinarians.

I conclude today that to be a judge in your own cause is not easy and above all is wrong. It is not a risk you should take often. Once you know you have a cause at variance with the best interest of the child, reach out the deepest sense of sincerity in you and seek the help of another. If you not see discipline as a process designed to promote the best interest of the child, you will not be in a position to rise above your causes and preferences. Does that mean the custodians have no benefits from disciplining the child? The custodians have bountiful rewards. The reward of the custodians is in how the child turns out and the benefits thereof. No child rewards his/her custodians with peace of mind and every good thing of life like the child, who is well disciplined. The custodians therefore must learn to discipline and endure the cross for the joy that is set before him/her: the joy of the glorious future of the child. Do have an INSPIRED Weekend. See you on Monday.

Think the child…Think Today…Think Tomorrow…

POINT 2 PONDER:

‘The custodians therefore must learn to discipline and endure the cross for the joy that is set before him/her: the joy of the glorious future of the child.

NOTE THESE:

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The Karen Huff Klein Story: The Vintage TeacherFIRE Story

I have in the last two years led the installation of The TeacherFIRE Revolution in more than sixty-five public and private schools, reaching more than three thousand teachers within and outside Lagos State with outstanding testimonies to the glory of God Almighty, who gives us the grace. I was speaking with a school leader recently who testified that one of his teachers who sat in the TeacherFIRE Session at the Association of Private School Educators of Nigeria(APEN) came back fully revolutionised and has since remained so.

The TeacherFIRE Revolution was borne out of my story of childhood abuse in the hands of my teachers in my primary and secondary schools. One of the most damaging of the stories is that when I was that in primary school at the age of 9 I lost a friend while we were playing and my primary 3 teacher, who was not there and did not bother to ask me what the matter was, concluded I killed my friend and nicknamed me ‘Esu’ (the devil).Unknown to my handlers was the fact that for every one wrong word you say to a child, you need seventeen to correct it. I have also been an active participant in the Nigerian private and public school systems since 1997 and I found that the attitude of my teachers in school bear striking and fearful resemblance with the attitude of present day Nigerian teachers.

The TeacherFIRE Revolution is a biographical study of teachers  who have lived at different times and cultures and have against all odds revolutionised the lives of their pupils. One question I set out to ask through the 13 year study was, ‘what was it that my teachers did not know that made them treat and abuse me the way they did?’ I also concluded that  if I found what my teachers did not know, I would automatically find what the teachers in the school system today did not know that make them  repeat the errors of the teachers of my day.

The question was answered at the end of my biographical studies. I was glad to find what they did not know and that helped me to develop what they should know. What they should know to give a hope and a future to the children under their care informed the creed of The TeacherFIRE Revolution: ‘to raise a BEST-INTEREST-OF-THE-CHILD-conscious generation of teachers/instructors, who DELIBERATELY combine DIVINE WISDOM, passion, compassion, conviction, and sense of mission to CONNECT with the child’s HEART, thereby IGNITING and NURTURING(through Mentoring, Modelling and Moulding) into MATURITY his/her GOD-endowed HUMAN INGENUITY, the fundamental trait of a COMPLETE CHILD.’

One of the principles I share with teachers is that they should agree with the popular saying in Africa that ‘the rewards of teachers are in heaven.’ I tell the teachers that there is not better secured place for one to keep his/her rewards but heaven, so the Holy Writ taught us. I open their eyes to the fact that a trust fund has been opened in heaven for them. I tell them that they don’t however have to get to heaven before reaping the rewards. I teach them the wisdom to employ to access their rewards or trust fund while here on the earth. The secret is very clear as I share with the teachers: it is a total commitment to against all odds doing all purposefully and intentionally in the best interest of the child, which is the essence of The TeacherFIRE Revolution.

I encourage teachers that they must labour to understand that life is set in scenes and seasons. Our relevance in life is strictly tied to recognising and playing our roles within our scene. It is to abide wherein we are called with God. When we perfect the discipline of remaining in our scenes, our seasons of private and public profiting (rewards and significance) will surely follow. Our preoccupation must not always be seasons, it must be recognising, playing our roles within our scenes and refusing every temptation to do otherwise. I warn the teachers that the temptation to look outside our scenes is ever formidable. The grass will always look greener on the other side even if the other side is Sodom and Gomorrah as it turned out to be for Lot.

The foregoing principle reverberated when I began to follow the inspiring story of  the school bus monitor, Karen Huff Klein, 68, widow and grandmother, who was bullied by four male students attending Greece Athena Middle School and the bullying was filmed on the bus by a fifth student.

The video, titled ‘Making the Bus Monitor Cry,’ was originally posted on Facebook and later reposted on Youtube on June 19 and went viral almost immediately with more than two million viewers to date.

The video recorded the 7th grade boys bulling the school bus monitor to a point of tears with some of these negative remarks: ‘Karen’s a bitch,’ and ‘fat troll.’ They said many more unpleasant words to her and began to touch her and demanded her to provide her address on camera. They threatened to egg her house, urinate on her door, and stab her. Karen did not only refuse to retaliate, her response to her children bullies was remarkable: “I know all of your addresses! I’m going to send you all thank-you cards, for being so nice.” Klien also informed the media that this was not the first time she would be a victim of bullying in the hands of pupils.

What began as a negative story is beginning to have a happy and rewarding ending for Karen Klein. Soon after the video went viral, Max Sidorov, a nutritionist, author and Ukrainian immigrant living in Toronto who says he had been a victim of bullying as a child, started a campaign at fundraising site Indiegogo with a goal of $5,000, to help give Klein a vacation. Within a few days of its creation, the fund, which is to end on July 20, 2012 it, was announced by CNN on Wednesday, June 27, 2012 to have hit $665, 499 and still counting far beyond the expectation of the fund raisers.

Besides, the funds that has been raised Anderson Cooper announced on his show on CNN, Anderson Cooper 360° that a leading Airline in America, Southwest Airlines offered to pay for a trip for Klein and nine people of her choice to Disneyland for a three-night visit. In addition to all these I watched Klein on Isha Sasey’s CNN NewsCenter reading countless of letters of encouragement and gifts she has received from her admirers all over the world. I wouldn’t be surprised if she is nominated and voted as a CNN Hero this year.

Karen Klein has worked as an employee of the Greece Central School District in upstate New York for 23 years, 20 as a bus driver and 3 as a bus monitor. She has been a widow since 1995, and has eight grandchildren. She is hearing-impaired, and uses a hearing aid. At the time the video was shot, she was 68 years old.

Here is a season of rewards and significance for a woman that has remained faithfully on her scene, playing her roles with dedication for 23 years.

It was as if she would die unnoticed but when her season comes, in a twinkle of an eye Karen Huff Klein was put in the eye of the world. Her story has been covered by all meaning national and international print, electronic and new media within and outside America, including the acclaimed World News Leader, CNN.  I just read about her on Wikipedia. She wasn’t there before June 19, 2012.

To this season of profiting, Klein responded, “It does make me feel a whole lot better. I appreciated everything. I think it’s awesome.”

The Karen Huff Klein is another vintage TeacherFIRE story. It is a validation of the principles I have taught to thousands of teachers in the last two years. It clearly one of the findings of our biographical studies that no one except God can reward a teacher for her labour of love on the children under her care. I hope we know that that teaching profession is nothing but a labour of love. It is even foolishness for the teacher to seek or work out his/her own reward. The point cannot be overemphasized that all that the teachers needs to do, particularly in the Third World, where the place of the teacher is not well-recognised and properly rewarded is to remain faithful in his/her scene, playing his/her role with commitment, passion and sense of mission and expect a season of profiting. When a teacher imbibes this principle, he/she will find his/her first priceless fulfilment in the revolutionised destinies of the children, who pass through him/her and thereafter the world will be forced to celebrate and honour him/her.  It is an age-long principle, which again the story of Karen Huff Klein is confirming now.

In conclusion, you may want to ask, is Karen Huff Klein, school bus monitor a teacher? Or better still, is everybody in the school system a teacher? Here is my daring answer: Yes, Karen Huff Klein is a teacher. Yes, everybody in the school system (including non-living things) is a teacher.  I see the school as an institution of learning, where everybody within the system has the proven capacity to affect the lives of the pupils positively or otherwise. This is ever true when we take into consideration that children are programmed by nature to learn more through observation than through words of mouth. Thus it has been concluded that children do not do what the adults says. They do what he/she does.

It is important to note however that the level of influence differs from person to person depending on the access he/she has to the pupils by virtue of his/her office or peculiar practices of a particular school. I make bold to say that there are more teachers in the school system than stakeholders have reckoned with and this is not only pitiable but destructive. I hope we know that if we agree that children learn more from observation, then children also learn from non-living things (like physical structures and maintenance of same and others).

Karen Huff Klein is therefore a teacher. Call her a non-verbal teacher, she is still a teacher. The verbal prowess is useless without the on-verbal attributes of character, integrity and exemplary living, which are better lived than taught. Karen Huff Klein taught the children and the world one lesson. She taught us all how to respond to personal crisis. She chose to be better instead of being bitter. Though she expressed her emotion by weeping, he holds no grudge against the children and her employers. She has decided not to quit her job.

Child’s Rights and Discipline: The UNCOMMON Theory (23)

Opening Charge

‘Let me share with you some experiences in my childhood, which prepared me for the destructive habit of not hearing others out before passing judgment on them in my early adulthood…When I was in the primary school, I lost a friend while we were playing, my primary 3 teacher, who was not there and did not bother to ask me what the matter was concluded I killed my friend and nicknamed me ‘Esu’ (the devil)…’

Dear fellow custodians, it is my pleasure to be here today. No thanks to the formidable combination of distraction and writer’s fatigue, I was not able to make it to this page yesterday. All efforts to get rid of ‘The Trouble Two’s’ proved woefully abortive. I think I receive situations like this with mixed feelings: first, it is a proof of my humanity, a necessary thorn in the flesh that helps one not to think too highly of himself. Second, if feel the disappointment first to my personal integrity and to my readers, who look forward to receiving me here daily by the promise, I voluntarily made. Nobody forced me to make the promise.

All said and done, I find my consolation in the fact that I am back here today, making attempt to keep my promise. Thank you for bearing with the feelings of my infirmities. Please permit me to share with you today, the 18th core habit of a purposeful, disciplined and effective disciplinarian: Hear the Child out before applying disciplinary measures:

I began to talk about the Home or Family Justice System two days ago. I think it is a document we may have to spend some time with. Many of us believe that the child should be ‘disciplined’ by impulse. We believe that if we have to sit down and make rules, we have given a lot. I mean we have given a lot that we are not sure the child even deserves.

Many hold the view that it amounts to bending over backward and committing ourselves to the rules we have made is doing what Napoleon could not do. In fact we should be praised or awarded a prize for granting rights to the child, we should not have granted under normal circumstances.

Well, if you belong to the foregoing category of custodians, I may be stretching my luck too far this day advocating that the child must be heard before we decide whether he/she deserves chastisement and if he/she does, which type of chastisement he/she deserves. As awkward as it may sound to an African custodian, it is the truth of justice and child development. Hearing the child out will not only give justice to the spirit and the soul of the child, it will teach the child how to give justice to others now and in the future. Please note that a child and an adult, who is not able to give others justice will live a terrible life and will not be in a position to influence others.

It is sad when we do not hear people out before we decide on their culpability and mete out disciplinary measures. Disciplinary measures should only follow after we have taken time to hear out the person suspected to do a wrong. Hearing does not amount to believing. It is in fact not a commandment to believe what we have heard. It is not advocacy to exonerate the one that has been heard. It may provide the facts to establish his/her wrong. It is a commitment to hear and subject whatever one hears to objective scrutiny. I will build on the foregoing when I address our next habit. One thing, we must know however is that hearing pleases the conscience of the one on the spot of wrong doing. The truth is that nothing is as it first appears. As an adult, I have found myself in situations, where all the facts come together by way of circumstantial evidence to lead to a conclusion that I was wrong or culpable. My innocence was only established to a very large extent after I had the opportunity of narrating my own side of the story.

If a child is not heard out, he/her will not hear others out now or in the future. He/she may fall in love with his/her own opinion so much that he/she may not have space in his/her ears and heart to any other opinion. He/her may not be in a position to maintain meaningful relationships as he/she would make conclusions about people and situation and act on it before hearing them out. In many cases, he/she may never bother to hear them out as he/she makes far reaching decisions that may have grave and negative implications on meaningful relationships.

The foundation of this kind of damaging habit is that this adult was not heard out as a child before conclusions were made about him/her for which, he/she suffered a great deal. Therefore he/she does not have the culture, habit or civility of hearing others out before concluding on them and taking actions according to his/her unverified conclusions.

Such man I was before God helped me. I was never heard out as a child both at home and in schools. I grew up to make far-reaching conclusions on people and situations without hearing the people involved out. I must tell you, it is a habit I have fought very hard to deal with in the last 15 years of my pilgrimage of change.

Let me share with you some experiences in my childhood, which prepared me for the destructive habit of not hearing others out before passing judgment on them in my early adulthood.

One day, it was time for dinner and I sat before my mum to be served. Instead of being served the food for which I expectantly sat, my father served me a very dirty slap that flung me off my seat and brought out stars from my eyes. I was never told what I was being punished for neither was I aware of anything I had done that day. When I was in the primary school, I lost a friend while we were playing, my primary 3 teacher, who was not there and did not bother to ask me what the matter was concluded I killed my friend and nicknamed me ‘Esu’ (the devil).

One Friday, I was playing with sand in front of my classroom, a female pupil came and stood in front of me and said, ‘he is the one.’ I was picked up immediately and taken to the staff room where one of our teachers beat the living daylight out of me, without asking me a single question. God knows that I did not offend anybody that day.

I was being bullied by a classmate, who would not allow me to breathe in class. One day I got angry and hit him on the nose. He began to bleed. A man, known as Oga Idowu found us. He didn’t as any of us any question. He simply took us to the principal’s office. The principal did not ask me any question. That was actually my first time in his office. He brought out a book and wrote my name therein. He thereafter looked up and said to me, ‘your name has been written in the school’s black book.’ I went home feeling cheated and dejected. Before that day, I did not know there was such book called Black Book. I was not told what it stood for and the circumstances under which a pupil’s name will be entered therein. Above all, I was not asked any question as to why I punched my classmate before I was docked and a supreme judgement passed on me.

My charge to us today is that even when a child breaches any of the rules, his wrong should be explained to him and be offered the opportunity of a defence. In doing the foregoing we will not only be giving the child justice, we will be also be teaching him/her an invaluable lesson in interpersonal relationship: hear people out before you make conclusions. Stay INSPIRED.

Think the child…Think Today…Think Tomorrow…

POINT 2 PONDER:

‘It is sad when we do not hear people out before we decide on their culpability and mete out disciplinary measures.’

NOTE THESE:

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I invite you to subscribe to our FREE E-Newsletter of The TeacherFIRE™ Revolution. Please send mail to titled, subscription to ask@taiwoakinlami.com or send a text message with same title to 2348033620843

Experince the Revolution Firsthand, Subscribe to The TeacherFIRE™ Revolution In-house Training Program

The TeacherFIRE™ Revolution is available as an In-house Training Program for institutions of learning. Be the NEXT to EXPERIENCE the UNFORGETTABLE TeacherFIRE™ Revolution …Contact us TODAY. T: 234-8033-620-843, 234-8186-830-275, W: www.taiwoakinlami.com E: ask@taiwoakinlami.com

 

Child’s Rights and Discipline: The UNCOMMON Theory (22)

Opening Charge

‘Let me say here unequivocally, that when we over discipline on a matter, we abuse the child and when we under discipline, we spoil the child. Abuse is an attack on the dignity of human person of the child. And when the child’s dignity of human person is successfully destroyed through abuse, the child may never live a responsible and disciplined life. On the other hand when a child is spoilt, it is an attack on his ability to take responsibility for his own life and future. Sadly, an abused child and a spoilt child are bound to suffer the same fate in life.  An abused child is too defeated to make a difference. A spoilt child is too irresponsible to live meaningfully.’

Hello fellow custodians, please join me as I share with you the 17th core habit of a purposeful, disciplined and effective disciplinarian: Consider the nature of wrong before the application of disciplinary measures:

Have you ever heard this saying, ‘using a sledge hammer to kill an ant.?’ I believe most of us have heard this more than a thousand times. It is saying decrying an overkill and overreaction to a matter. I think most of us custodians of the life of the child are fond of using a sledge hammer to kill an ant in respect of child discipline.

It must become a habit to put the disciplinary measure we want to employ and on the same scale with the wrong we want to correct. The law of our land does not recommend same sentence for every offence. If does so, it will not be justice. Therefore, the child, who is being corrected must not be under disciplined or over disciplined.

For us to be in a position to do the foregoing, we must make it our mandate to take time to establish a Home or Family Justice System, which takes time to observe in advance possible wrongs and the disciplinary measures to be attached. The Home or Family Justice System document must take into cognisance, the ability of the child to understand same, considering his state of development per time. The document must state clearly the objective(s) of the Home or Family Justice System, which must be the best interest of the child. The number one compliant with the Home Justice System must be the custodians if they must get the cooperation of the children under their care. By number one compliant, I mean the custodians must first of all live according to the provisions of the Home Justice System and second, they must have the discipline and patience to follow the tenets of the document, which emanated from them.

Let me say here unequivocally, that when we over discipline on a matter, we abuse the child and when we under discipline, we spoil the child. Abuse is an attack on the dignity of human person of the child. And when the child’s dignity of human person is successfully destroyed through abuse, the child may never live a responsible and disciplined life. On the other hand when a child is spoilt, it is an attack on his ability to take responsibility for his own life and future. Sadly, an abused child and a spoilt child are bound to suffer the same fate in life.  An abused child is too defeated to make a difference. A spoilt child is too irresponsible to live meaningfully.

The challenge is that we have most of the time is that we are not at home with the reality of the purpose of discipline in child development. As I have tried to explain here, the best interest of the child is not our focus. A lot of times what we call discipline is an expression of irritation, anger and frustration. We become pleased when we find outlet for our irritation, anger and frustration and it does not matter to us whether the child has learnt any lesson, which will advance his/her cause in life. Please note that irritation and anger may author an overkill while frustration may author an overlook.

I charge us to please begin to do all we can to be true and effective disciplinarian. Do have an INSPIRED Day.

Think the child…Think Today…Think Tomorrow…

POINT 2 PONDER:

‘It must become a habit to put the disciplinary measure we want to employ and on the same scale with the wrong we want to correct.’

NOTE THESE:

Subscribe to The TeacherFIRE™ Revolution FREE E-Newsletter

I invite you to subscribe to our FREE E-Newsletter of The TeacherFIRE™ Revolution. Please send mail to titled, subscription to ask@taiwoakinlami.com or send a text message with same title to 2348033620843

Experince the Revolution Firsthand, Subscribe to The TeacherFIRE™ Revolution In-house Training Program

The TeacherFIRE™ Revolution is available as an In-house Training Program for institutions of learning. Be the NEXT to EXPERIENCE the UNFORGETTABLE TeacherFIRE™ Revolution …Contact us TODAY. T: 234-8033-620-843, 234-8186-830-275, W: www.taiwoakinlami.com E: ask@taiwoakinlami.com

Lamentation of Michael Jackson: I was Robbed of My Childhood

I  have been thinking about the story of Michael Jackson and I believe the custodians of the child should know fast. I have therefore broken our discussion on Child’s Rights and Discipline: The UNCOMMON Theory to do this as we proceed on weekend.  Michael Jackson shook the world, yet he died a frustrated man. Though, he found incredible fame, stupendous fortune and immeasurable influence. He never found himself. He would have preferred the finding of himself to all that he found, which the whole wide world adored. To him all he found was dung compared to what he could have found, himself.

Listen to his lamentation spoken by his own mouth:

Have you seen my Childhood?
I’m searching for the world that I come from
‘Cause I’ve been looking around
In the lost and found of my heart…
No one understands me
They view it as such strange eccentricities…
‘Cause I keep kidding around
Like a child, but pardon me…

People say I’m not okay
‘Cause I love such elementary things…
It’s been my fate to compensate,
for the Childhood
I’ve never known…
Have you seen my Childhood?
I’m searching for that wonder in my youth
Like pirates in adventurous dreams,
Of conquest and kings on the throne…

Before you judge me, try hard to love me,
Look within your heart then ask,
Have you seen my Childhood?

People say I’m strange that way
‘Cause I love such elementary things,
It’s been my fate to compensate,
for the Childhood I’ve never known…

Have you seen my Childhood?
I’m searching for that wonder in my youth
Like fantastical stories to share
The dreams I would dare, watch me fly…

Before you judge me, try hard to love me.
The painful youth I’ve had

Have you seen my Childhood…

Michael Jackson was robbed of his childhood by his custodians. He never found it till he died. A child has five basic needs. One of it is that every child needs the AFFIRMATION of his FREEDOM and RESPONSIBILITY- A sense of dignity and self-worth. I have said times without number that childhood is not synonymous with slavery or bondage. Once a child is robbed of his freedom, he seeks nothing but the day of emancipation. The human spirit, young or old is designed to reject any form if slavery. Therefore anytime the spirit feels enslaved, it must as a matter of divine design seek emancipation.

How do we rob a child of his childhood and by implication, his life? I think looking at my own background, I have found some.

  • We compare him/her to other children
  • We make it a point of duty as custodians to clone the child after our personality, thereby attacking the individuality of the child;
  • By the foregoing the fact the child is an individual, who has his/her own life to lead and must the empowered to do just that is completely neglected.
  • In view of this blunder, which has been found to be common to many custodians, the child’s individuality is not discovered, protected and developed.
  • Any parenting agenda, which promotes the foregoing, is nothing but slavery.

I will like to dwell on the subject of slavery. I ask a question: what’s slavery? Slavery is a mental or mind damage, which comes through exercise of dominion over the WILL of another human being. This is the critical question custodians must ask: am I raising a child or a slave? A Child has his WILL trained, yet independent, slaves have their WILL untrained and cowed. This is awfully pathetic and that was the story of Michael Jackson and I have titled the lamentation of Michael Jackson.

Fellow custodians, I beg to leave you here. I believe a word is enough for the wise and I know my visitors here are very wise. Do have a wonderful weekend. Stay INSPIRED.

Think the child…Think Today…Think Tomorrow…

POINT 2 PONDER:

NOTE THESE:

Subscribe to The TeacherFIRE™ Revolution FREE E-Newsletter

I invite you to subscribe to our FREE E-Newsletter of The TeacherFIRE™ Revolution. Please send mail to titled, subscription to ask@taiwoakinlami.com or send a text message with same title to 2348033620843

Experince the Revolution Firsthand, Subscribe to The TeacherFIRE™ Revolution In-house Training Program

The TeacherFIRE™ Revolution is available as an In-house Training Program for institutions of learning. Be the NEXT to EXPERIENCE the UNFORGETTABLE TeacherFIRE™ Revolution …Contact us TODAY. T: 234-8033-620-843, 234-8186-830-275, W: www.taiwoakinlami.com E: ask@taiwoakinlami.com

Child’s Rights and Discipline: The UNCOMMON Theory (21)

Hello fellow custodians, please join me as I share with you the 16th core habit of a purposeful, disciplined and effective disciplinarian:  Comfort after discipline

If it must be called discipline, it must have two sides: chastisement and comfort. Discipline without comfort is like boasting to be in possession of one-sided coin. It is either you do not know the features of a coin or you do not have any coin at all. If anyone insists that he/she is in possession of one-sided coin, he/she may not be able to insist for too long if he/she does not want to end up in the psychiatrist case. I have had to dwell on this parable of the coin to enable me drive home my point on the real definition of discipline. (Opening Charge)

The goal of discipline is to break a child and not to destroy a child. If a child must be broken, we must be committed to both showing the hard and the soft sides. Discipline is not always pleasant, even to adults. Comfort creates soft landing for the child. The hard of discipline side, when it is not mixed with comfort has the tendency to brew rebellion in children. The saying is ever true, ‘nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.’ To discipline to make sense to our children, it must come from a caring heart. To prove to the child that the discipline is from a caring heart, we must show that we care. Comforting words is a major language of care.

I was recently in a school and I asked the teachers if they were ready for the true opinion of their pupils concerning them. They responded by saying that the students have mistaken their strictness for being wicked. I found that as the common responses of the custodians of the child whenever the foregoing question is asked. As a matter of fact, many custodians, (who claim to be disciplinarians without caring to understand the true character of one) have accepted it as an irredeemable norm. They believe that the perception of the children about them is their (children) normal response to discipline and there is nothing they can do about it.

I beg to differ with this popular position. Without prejudice to strange exceptions, if we handle the process of applying discipline very well (with patience and without anger), the child will see through the pain or discomfort of discipline and establish our good intention. He/she may not have the right adjective to express it; he/she will never go to the extreme of concluding that the custodian is wicked. Let’s face it, if a child truly believes that you are wicked, he/she also believe that you are self-centred, his/her natural tendencies is not to corporate with you and your desires. The Yoruba adage is very apt when it says, ‘with the right hand, you chastise a child; with the left you comfort him.’

I will like to round up my discussion today by culling in part a piece written by Zig Ziglar, ‘I was switched (spanked) several times as a child, but each switching was the direct result of my refusal to the instructions my mother had carefully laid out for me. After each switching came the hugging. That’s the procedure we used in raising our children…When my son was about eleven years old, he was sullen, lackadaisical and rebellious in nature…Finally, he crossed the line and I pulled him over my knee swatted him a couple of times with my belt  hard enough to be felt but  not hard  enough to leave any mark.  Then I gave him a big hug and told him I loved him .Then both of us cried .For the rest of the day I had a happy, loving and child. It’s important to understand that we discipline a child for his or her own good.

Ziglar continues you punish someone out anger or out of control. Discipline is good; punishment is bad. And in a fascinating new study just published in academic journal, American Sociological Review, Brad Wilcox of Princeton University found that parents with orthodox religious beliefs are ‘characterized both by strict discipline and an unusually warm and expressive style of parent-child interaction.’ According to Wilcox, these parents employ a ‘neotraditional parenting style that spares neither rod nor the hug.’ Ziglar concluded, ‘discipline is something   you do for the child-punishment is something you do to a child.’

Thank you for joining me today. I will be here again tomorrow, still advocating empowering the custodians and protecting the child. Stay INSPIRED.

Think the child…Think Today…Think Tomorrow…

POINT 2 PONDER:

‘To prove to the child that the discipline is from a caring heart, we must show that we care. Comforting words is a major language of care.’

NOTE THESE:

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Child’s Rights and Discipline: The UNCOMMON Theory (20)

Opening Charge

‘‘I will begin with a personal story. I wet my bed at night till an advanced age in childhood. I cannot remember vividly my age when I stopped wetting bed. One thing I remember however was that I suffered in the hand of my mum in no small way for this occurrence, which I consider to be the call of nature. When I wet my bed, my mum would cane me and sang for me to the hearing of our neighbours in our face-me-I-face-you apartment. She would cane me and take me around the house and instructed me to chorus the song she sang. It was a torturous experience, I would be crying as a result of the canning and humiliation and I was expected to sing at the same time…I wasn’t only being caned for wetting my bed…The canning was intensified if I was not singing and dancing… Can you picture that’

Hello fellow custodians, please join me as I share with you the 15th core habit of a purposeful, disciplined and effective disciplinarian: Consider the age of the child before engaging in the discipline process.

I think there are two issues here. The first is what a child should be disciplined for considering his/her age. The second is the type of disciplinary measure that should be applied considering their age.

I will begin with a personal story. I wet my bed at night till an advanced age in childhood. I cannot remember vividly my age when I stopped wetting bed. One thing I remember however was that I suffered in the hand of my mum in no small way for this occurrence, which I consider to be the call of nature. When I wet my bed, my mum would cane me and sang for me to the hearing of our neighbours in our face-me-I-face-you apartment. She would cane me and take me around the house and instructed me to chorus the song she sang. It was a torturous experience, I would be crying as a result of the canning and humiliation and I was expected to sing at the same time…I wasn’t only being caned for wetting my bed…The canning was intensified if I was not singing and dancing… Can you picture that

In retrospect, I do not understand why a child should be disciplined for wetting his/her bed. If a child wets bed till an advanced age, it will require the support of the parents to stop if that becomes a major desire for the custodians. I think the bulk of the work is with the custodians, you may want to watch the eating habit of the child. You may want to determine the time he/she must stop drinking water at night or want to make it a point of duty to discover the time of the night a child wets his/her bed and you wake him/her up at that time to enable him/her use the toilet.

I say if it becomes the desire of the custodians because this is not supposed to be a problem. Wetting of bed by a child no matter how long it took the child to stop is a matter of child development and it is normal. It will surely stop at its own time. I am yet to meet an adult, who is not a retard or have a bladder issue and still wetting his or her bed.

I think the same principle go for potty training. It has become the culture of most custodians to abuse the children under their care in the name of potty training. While potty training is good, but I think it is important we take it easy with children in matters that have to do with basic child development. Many are children, who suffer abuse as result of the foregoing. This is not right as it is nothing but denial of the child of his/her childhood.

I think it is also important that we never discipline a child for display of human frailty. The child must be disciplined to remove foolishness from his/her heart. But we must never attempt to remove mistake from the heart of the child. Mistake and foolishness are not the same. Foolishness is a habit of errors while mistake is a function of human frailties. That is why you will never hear someone referred to a ‘mistake man or woman,’ but you hear ‘foolish man or woman.’ The truth is, foolishness is who a person is, and mistake is what a person makes. It is important to note that another name for mistake is ‘error of judgment.’ This is the lot of every living soul. It simply means a man, woman or child, who made a mistake had subjected his/her thoughts to reasoning and concluded that he/she was taking the right decision.

In child development foolishness may be synonymous with rebellion, which a child must be discipline for the good of the child. According to Dr. James Dobson, when a child is deliberately disobedient and rebellious, its results in an important contest the parents cannot afford to lose in the best interest of the child. Mistake is when a child is involved in an accident like spilling water or milk or dropping something on the floor or breaking the plates or related matters. No child should be subjected to any disciplinary measures for the foregoing.  My parents did not understand this as I was canned for breaking plates. It made it difficult for me to live up to my mistakes, which are the implication of disciplining a child for his/her, mistakes. By this you rob a child of his/her humanity.  Such was the story of Michael Jackson, who was robbed of his childhood by her custodians. He said in his later years, ‘before you judge me, try hard to love me, look within your heart then ask, have you seen my childhood?’

Now, the other side of the coin is that when we decide to apply disciplinary measures. We must take into consideration the age of the child before we apply disciplinary measures lest we end up abusing the child. Abuse here is when you claim to discipline a child and the child does not understand the what he or she has done and the process of discipline not to talk of picking or learning any lesson thereof.  James Dobson opined, ‘there is no excuse for spanking babies or children younger than 15 to 18 months of age. But midway through the second year (18 months) boys and girls become capable of knowing what you are telling them to do or not do.

I think I should rest my discussion here today. I hope you found you visit here today worth the time. I will surely be here with you again tomorrow by the grace of God, without Whom we can do nothing. Stay INSPIRED.

POINT 2 PONDER:

‘According to Dr. James Dobson, when a child is deliberately disobedient and rebellious, its results in an important contest the parents cannot afford to lose in the best interest of the child.’

NOTE THESE:

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The TeacherFIRE™ Revolution is available as an In-house Training Program for institutions of learning. Be the NEXT to EXPERIENCE the UNFORGETTABLE TeacherFIRE™ Revolution …Contact us TODAY. T: 234-8033-620-843, 234-8186-830-275, W: www.taiwoakinlami.com E: ask@taiwoakinlami.com