SEX IS BIG: 16 DAYS OF SEX TALK(Day 7): SEX AND SEXUALITY: WHAT DO YOU KNOW? (2)

Culled from our Instructional Manuals: S.A.F.E™ for YOU

TIP 72

“Never let your desire for love override your sense of self and value.” Izey Victoria ODIASE

Welcome to our discussion today about your Personal Safety and Self-Protection my dear precious children.

I have been discussing with you the subject matter of sexual abuse and we have been looking at the root cause of same and everything related to that. I am interested in discussing the difference between sex and sexuality as I began to do yesterday.

SEXUALITY is far bigger than SEX. I make bold to say that SEX is a minute part of SEXUALITY. What is this SEX? SEX is properly defined as the legitimate, intimate, covenant-based and above all divinely-ordained exercise between a man and a woman, who are married.

I charge you to note that the perverted SEX to which you are exposed to today is far-apart different from the one defined above. SEX, as it is presented and strongly promoted to your young minds today speaks of an uncontrollable heat of sexual passion, which possesses children, young people and unmarried couples of opposite sex or same sex to engage in all forms of sexual relationships, from foreplay, oral sex to sexual intercourse.

Besides, you are being told that there are other sexual orientations or sexes other than the 2(male and female), which God ordained. At my last count, we are told that there are over 58(fifty-eight) genders and this is widely promoted by the social media platforms, where most you now spend most of their time and life unrestricted.

For example, Facebook has 3 columns for GENDER, namely, MALE, FEMALE and CUSTOM. Under CUSTOM, there are 58(fifty-eight) genders listed. You are also asked, ‘what pronoun do you prefer?’ The options are: MALE: him, FEMALE: her and NEUTRAL: them…

The social media platform provides opportunity for users to select more than one gender. Research has shown that there are over 20 million children on Facebook, the social media platform’s terms of service having require users to be at least 13 years old. Of the 20 million children, 7.5 million are below age 13, while 5 million are age 10 and below, who didn’t properly represent their real age. As at 2013 statistics reveal that there are 11 million Facebook users in Nigeria and the most popular age group are Nigerians under 25 years old.

SEXUALITY here refers to the ESSENCE of a person’s gender and his/her attitude to same. Gender simply means ‘the state of being male or female.’   SEXUALITY speaks to the physiological and psychological specifications of the male and female genders, their functions and differences. SEXUALITY addresses the relationship between the male and female genders and how they seamlessly partner according to the dictates of their distinct natural specifications in divine order to achieve God’s eternal purpose for the creation of man (male and female). SEXUALITY speaks of the GLORY and BEAUTY in the difference between the male and female genders and the DIGNITY of EQUALITY of both genders.

The THINK Factor

I have given you so much to swallow today…Wow! So so much…I want to charge you to please take time to think about it deeply and ask yourself, what exactly is the difference between SEX and SEXUALITY? Do I really understand it? How does it affect me? Take time to really reflect and share your thoughts in your S.A.F.E™ 4 YOU Personal Journal.

 

 

 

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SEX IS BIG: 16 DAYS OF SEX TALK(Day 6): SEX AND SEXUALITY: WHAT DO YOU KNOW? (1)

Culled from our Instructional Manuals: S.A.F.E™ for YOU

TIP 71

“Sentence every immoral thought for detention and prosecution. Immorality is a powerful gadget that brings down great monuments of success. Don’t entertain immorality.” Israelmore AVIVOR

My dear and precious young ones, I feel very great to come before you today, knowing that I find being in your company a great honour. I am so glad to be in the midst of those whose fate of humanity is in their hands according to Abraham Lincoln.

Today, I am interested in drawing for you a line between Sex and Sexuality, which may help you to understand the reason why many young people today are engaged in ‘Consensual Sexual Activity’.

Alas! You are exposed…You are over-exposed to sex, its knowledge, practices and perversions. We mean you are not only exposed to the knowledge, you sometimes engage or indulge yourselves in the act.

You do not need to look too far to see the point we are making. With careless socialization today, which promote sex as the acceptable social language of interaction of the 21st Century, young people are bound to know more than enough and necessary.

From music, movies, adverts to social media, you see a large dose of indecent materials daily, too bad for your young and developing minds.

My concern today is that as young people, you know so much about sex, its practices and multi-level perversions, which have terrible physical and psychological impact on our young minds. The depth of your knowledge will only shock the naïve caregivers, who are either ignorant or pretend to be ignorant of the fact that as children and teenagers by the design of nature, you take after the dominant nature of their environment. That what I mean by socialization, which I mention earlier in our discussion. Your behaviour today is a picture of your psychology. But your psychology comes from your socialization. That is why I keep saying that socialization is superior to psychology.

My concern today is that your knowledge of SEX as young people far outweighs your knowledge of your SEXUALITY.

In fact I make bold to say that you seem to know everything about SEX and almost nothing about your SEXUALITY.

Recently, I was dealing with the case of a 3(three) old boy who was climbing girl children in his class. The other day I was invited by a school to deal with the issue of a 12 year old boy in Junior Secondary school, who derived pleasure from touching the breasts of female students and running away. It became a very rampant habit the led to sending him on suspension after several warnings and meeting with his parents. The school was amazed that upon resumption, the child resumed the habit. The school was on the verge of expelling the child, as his case seemed irredeemable.

Hmm…I think we should end here today. Tomorrow, I will share with you about the difference between sex and sexuality.

The THINK Factor

I charge you to think today about what you are exposed to as a child/teenager and the impact of same on your understanding of sex and its practice. Have you noticed any specific positive or negative sexual behaviour in you as a result of what you are exposed to as a young person?  Take time to really reflect and share your thoughts in your S.A.F.E™ 4 YOU Personal Journal.

 

 

 

SEX IS BIG: 16 DAYS OF SEX TALK(Day 5):‘CONSENSUAL SEXUAL ACTIVITY:’ IS THIS ALSO AN ABUSE?

Culled from our Instructional Manuals: S.A.F.E™ for YOU

TIP 70

“Because the child does not have the power to withhold consent, she does not have the power to grant it.”Judith Lewis HERMAN

Wow! It is has been seventy (70) days since we have been on this journey to the Promised Land of your Personal Safety and Self-Protection.  I am so glad, I am with you again today, my dear and precious co-traveler. Thank God we have gone more than half of trip.

Today, I want to discuss with you this thing often called, ‘Consensual Sexual Activity’ among children and teenager.

Let me say again without wasting time and mincing words as I have submitted earlier, sex is not meant for children. If I may ask again, who is a child? A child is anyone below the age of 18 years, as I earlier showed you according to the law.

The position that sex is not meant for children derives its authority from both legal and moral injunctions. If you are not moved by the moral part of it, you are of necessity expected to be moved by the legal part of the injunction.

Let me quickly declare to you that there is no such thing as ‘Consensual Sexual Activity’ in a relationship between children/teenagers. Sexual relationship between children still constitutes an abuse of yourself and the other child, irrespective of the first person to initiate same.

In the eye of the law, anyone below the age of eighteen years does not have the capacity to give consent to sexual relationship either for sexual intercourse or any other form of sexual activities, including oral sex.

Oral sex? Yes, oral sex or oral intercourse refers to sexual activity involving the stimulation of the genitalia of a person by another person using the mouth (including the lips, tongue or teeth) or throat.

When two children/teenagers engage in what they call ‘Consensual Sexual Activity,’ it is still an abuse of each other’s bodies and it is contrary to the provisions of the law.  Please note that the matter is worse when children, who are younger, are engaged in sex by the older ones.

Please note that when we talk about ‘Consensual Sexual Activity’ here we are not only talking about sex between people of the opposite sex. It is very sad to note today that children are now involved in same sex, particularly when they are in boarding schools.

A woman recently told a story of how her son was sexually abused by older boys in a boarding school. In some cases sexual relationship with same sex between boys and boys and girls and girls are voluntary and this ought not to be so at all. In fact sexual relationship among children is very dangerous.

Now, beyond the provisions of the law, sexual relationship of any kind among children is a major distraction to your academic pursuit. The negative consequences are also enormous psychologically and physiologically.

Let us round up our discussion on sexual abuse for now. We will meet again when sharing with you the steps to take to protect yourself from sexual abuse. Do have an INSPIRED day.

The THINK Factor

I want to challenge you today to think about why you think ‘Consensual Sexual Activity’ young people is the right thing for young people to engage as friends. I really what you to think deep and being out the benefits to your or your friends. Take time to really reflect and share your thoughts in your S.A.F.E™ 4 YOU Personal Journal.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SEX IS BIG: 16 DAYS OF SEX TALK(Day 4): WHAT IS SEXUAL ABUSE? (3)

Culled from our Instructional Manuals: S.A.F.E™ for YOU

TIP 69

“If you have been a victim of sexual abuse, you can heal.’ Josh MCDOWELL

It is my pleasure to be with you today my dear and precious young ones.

We are still on the subject matter of what constitutes Child Sexual Abuse.

Sex, you will agree with me is a major issue among young people today. Everyone around you appears to be committed to luring you into sex one way or the other. That is why, it is important we to demystify sex as we discuss it here.

When the Law Does Not Do Justice: please note that we have discovered from working with a lot of young people like you since 1997 that sexual abuse is deeper than how the law sees and define it.

Pay Attention: It is important you pay very serious attention to this for the sake of your PERSONAL SAFETY and SELF-PROTECTION.

Let’s take Sexual Abuse Further

Sexual abuse includes any act or omission of yours or your caregivers, which compromises, your sexuality. What do we mean by this? Sexual Abuse includes exposing yourself to inappropriate materials, which in most cases include songs with lewd and sexually suggestive contents.

The Implication: The implication of this is that your exposure to indecent materials distorts your perception about your sexuality and almost automatically prepares you for making yourself available for sexual relationship either with your peers or adults.

For example: today many of you listen and dance to songs, which are made for adults; I mean songs, which contain lewd and sexually suggestive words and lyrics. Please note that such practice is an abuse of your sexuality.

Here is the Point: Your sense of healthy sexuality as a young person comprises of two major factors:

  • Your understanding of the essence of your gender
  • How to take adequate and informed steps to preserve, protect and celebrate the essence of your gender.

This noble quest comes under serious but subtle attack when you are sexually abused through exposure to inappropriate materials.  Please note that you are not the only guilty party in this matter. In most cases, you are initiated into this unholy realm by your caregivers, who also do not know the implications of their actions or omission.

I believe you get my point. It may not be popular today but it is the truth of the matter straight from a heart, who truly love you.

The THINK Factor

I want us to really reason together on this matter. What do you really think about exposure to indecent material through music, movies and other means? Do you really think it constitutes abuse or you think it does not and we are just taking things too far? Take time to really reflect and share your thoughts in your S.A.F.E™ 4 YOU Personal Journal and share with your parents and other trusted caregivers and friends.

 

SEX IS BIG: 16 DAYS OF SEX TALK(Day 3): WHAT IS SEXUAL ABUSE? (2)

Culled from our Instructional Manuals: S.A.F.E™ for YOU

TIP 68

“During sexual abuse, children feel and incorporate the rage, pain, shame, and sense of perversion that the perpetrator is projecting. They take these feelings into the very core of themselves, and they are badly traumatized by the emotions surrounding the assault, as well as by the assault itself.” Renee FREDRICKSON

 My dearly beloved young ones, it gives me great pleasure to continue this discussion with you today. 

Today, I want to quickly run you through what the law says about sexual abuse. It is important to note that until the law says an act or omission is an abuse, it does not become an abuse.

So what does the law of Nigeria say about Child Sexual Abuse, remembering that a child is anyone below the age of 18 years old?

Let us turn to the Child’s Right Act in Sections 31 & 32 of the Child’s Rights Act, 2003, which provides as follows:

31.—(1) No person, shall have sexual intercourse with a child.

(2) A person who contravenes the provision of Subsection (1) of this section commits an offence of rape and is liable on conviction to imprisonment for life.

(3) Where a person is charged with an offence under this section, it is immaterial that—(a) the offender believed the person to be of or above the age of eighteen years; or (b) the sexual intercourse was with the consent of the child.

32.—(1) A person who sexually abuses or sexually exploits a child in any manner not already mentioned under this Part of this Act commits an offence.

(2) A person who commits an offence under Subsection (1) of this section is liable on conviction to imprisonment for a term of fourteen years.

Now, let me discuss with you in details the Sexual Abuse and all that relate to it:

  • SCOPE? Any form of sexual involvement with a child (anybody below 18) is an abuse and therefore an offence.
  • READY? Sex is not meant for children. You must not allow anyone to touch you either fellow children/teenagers or adults. Anybody below 18 is not ready for sex.
  • CASES? An estimated 150 million girls and 73 million boys have experienced forced sexual intercourse. UN Report on Violence against Children
  • WHO? Boys are sexually abused by men, women and male and female peers; girls are sexually abused by women, men and female and male peers. A report of the British Columbia Institute Against Family Violence, 2006 reveals that 80% of the occurrences studied involved sex offenders who occupied community positions of trust. These male sex offenders were often well known and respected for their work with children. In other 20% of the occurrences, offenders were friends and neighbours of the victims.
  • WHERE? In most cases, sexual abuse of girls and boys is most common within the home or is committed by a person known to the family. But sexual abuse/violence also occurs in schools and other educational settings, by both peers and teachers. UN Report on Violence against Children
  • HOW? Most abuses take place with children at very tender age when they are not in a position to defend themselves; the abuser He/she LURES more than he/she FORCES, plays on the mind of the child and EXPLOIT their TRUST.
  • RESPONSE? 75% of children do not report immediately; 18% waited for more than 5 years.
  • WHY? Studies reveal that the children are always afraid of not being believed
  • CONSENSUAL? According to the Child’s Rights Act, 2003, a child does not have the capacity to give consent for any form of sexual activity. Therefore any sexual involvement with children constitutes an abuse and it is an offence.
  • IGNORANCE? It is not also a defense for an adult, who is caught having sexual relationship with anybody below 18 years of age that at the point of entering into sexual relationship with such person, he thought that the person was 18 years or above.
  • EXCUSE? It is not also a defense that the child lures him/her into a sexual relationship.

The THINK Factor

I want you to be candid about your response on this question and also be bold about it. Do you really agree that sex is not meant for children or children are not meant for sex? Take time to really reflect and share your thoughts in your S.A.F.E™ 4 YOU Personal Journal.

 

 

 

SEX IS BIG: 16 DAYS OF SEX TALK(Day 2): WHAT IS SEXUAL ABUSE? (1)

Culled from our Instructional Manuals: S.A.F.E™ for YOU

TIP 67                                                

“The sexual abuse and exploitation of children is one of the most vicious crimes conceivable, a violation of mankind’s most basic duty to protect the innocent.”

James T. WALSH

Sure you are doing great today, my precious young ones. I am sure we are making progress in this our important journey to the Promised Land of Personal Safety and Self-Protection.

We have spent some time, discussing foundational issues, rights and the laws, which provides for them, gender rights and rights of those living with one form of disability or the other.

Now, I think it is time to dedicate some quality time to what really constitutes an abuse. If you must be involved in your Personal Safety and Self-Protection, you must know what to protect yourself against. If you must know what to protect yourself against, you must know what constitute abuse in the eye of the law and what constitute danger. Against danger, you need Personal Safety and for Abuse, you need Self-Protection.

Today, I begin with Sexual Abuse. Sexual abuse is the involvement of a child in sexual activity that he or she does not fully comprehend or unable to give informed consent to, or for which the child is not developmentally prepared and cannot give consent.

Child Sexual Abuse is evidenced by this activity between a child and an adult or another child who by age or development is in a relationship of RESPONSIBILITY, TRUST OR POWER, the activity being INTENDED to GRATIFY or SATISFY the needs of the other person.

This may include but is not limited to:

  • The inducement or coercion of a child to engage in any unlawful sexual activity
  • The use of child in prostitution or other unlawful sexual practices.
  • The use of children in pornographic performances and materials.
  • Everything from obscene exposure to touching the genitals in a sexual way

According to the Report on Violence Against Children in Nigeria 2014, Sexual Violence include all forms of sexual abuse and exploitation. This encompasses a range of acts, including:

  • Unwanted completed sex acts (i.e., rape),
  • Attempted non-consensual sex acts
  • Abusive sexual contact (i.e., unwanted touching),
  • Pressured sex (such as through threats or tricks)

All of these are often perpetrated ‘by any person regardless of their relationship to the child experiencing the violence, in any setting.’

I think you have enough to digest today. Let me draw the curtain and allow you to digest this for the purpose of self-protection. Do have an INSPIRED day.

The THINK Factor

How would you describe sexual abuse in your own words from what we have discussed so far? Take time to really reflect and share your thoughts in your S.A.F.E™ 4 YOU Personal Journal.