SEX IS BIG: 16 DAYS OF SEX TALK(Day 13): GUIDELINES TO RESPONSE: SEXUAL ABUSE (1)

Culled from our Instructional Manuals: S.A.F.E™ for YOU

TIP 104

“You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of”. Jim ROHN

Welcome to our discussion today my dear and precious young ones. Sure you are doing great. We thank God for preserving our lives till date. I am here excited to support you in your commitment to protect yourself from all forms of abuse.  I am most mostly excited that we are beginning to discuss your responses to all forms of abuses.

Today, I will introduce you to what I believe your response should be to suspicion of abuse or actual abuses. Let me dwell a bit on the word, ‘response.’

Please note that the word ‘response’ is related to the word, ‘responsibility.’ It simply means you have a RESPONSIBILITY to prevent all the factors, which attack your Personal Safety. It is not a responsibility you can delegate or should delegate, depending on your age. Please note that response is stronger than reaction. Reaction may be an after-thought while response is proactive and it is often based on intelligence.

To be proactive is to believe for the best but prepare to handle the worst of situations. Many young people are not well schooled in this area.

I will begin to share with you the guidelines to your responses to all the forms of abuse, we have discussed before.  I shall break down your responses according to each of the form of abuse. It is time to fasten your seat belt and get ready to take responsibility for your protection as follows:

Sexual Abuse: concerning sexual abuse, either non-consensual or consensual is not appropriate for children as stated earlier. Please note that according to the law a child does not have the capacity to consent to sexual relationship either with an adult or peer. Any form of sexual relationship with peer or adult by anyone below the age 18 years old among to nothing but abuse. Therefore anyone below the age of 18 years cannot give consent for sexual relationship both to an adult or peer. It is not also a defence for an adult, who is caught having sexual relationship with anybody below 18 years of age that at the point of entering into sexual relationship with such person, he/she was under the belief that the person was above 18 years.

Having spent time to refresh your memory on what must be your primary position on Sexual Abuse, I will proceed to share with you how you can protect yourself from same.

I charge you to pay SERIOUS ATTENTION to the following:

  1. Watch your body Language: you must not be saying one thing and your body language is saying another. Avoid touches that are capable of arousing you or put you in the mood for sex.
  2. Conditioning of your mind through Media: be careful the kind of music you listen to and the movies you watch. First, do not listen to music or watch movies, which are meant for adults. Such music and movies confuses your mind and prepares you for what you are not prepared for.

The THINK Factor

I charge you think about what we have shared today and resolve to begin to practice same if you have not started already. Take time to really reflect and share your thoughts in your S.A.F.E™ 4 YOU Personal Journal

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SEX IS BIG: 16 DAYS OF SEX TALK(Day 12): ‘CHILD MARRIAGE’ AND ‘CHILD PROSTITUTION? MIND YOUR LANGUAGE (3)

 Culled from our Instructional Manuals: S.A.F.E™ for YOU

TIP 77

It’s child abuse, and that’s the term that should be used,” Fleur STRONG

Welcome to this page today, my dear and precious young ones.

I think I will be wrapping up this discussion on ‘Child Marriage’ and ‘Child Prostitution’ today.

Please note that this so-called industry doesn’t exist as we describe it today. Prostitution largely suggests a voluntarily involvement in commercial sex for material gains. It suggests voluntary capacity to negotiate sex for commercial benefits. Prostitution is defined by the English dictionary to mean, ‘the practice or occupation of engaging in sexual activity with someone for payment.’

The phrase ‘Child Prostitution’ as it is used today may suggest that children voluntarily gets involved in prostitution and therefore could be referred to as ‘Children Prostitutes.’

Please note that the precious children, who are today referred to as ‘Child Prostitutes’ are Child Sex Slaves, who are being mercilessly robbed of their God-ordained innocence and dignity of human person. This kind of brazen robbery of our precious children of their virtues earns the robbers huge financial gains.

This illegal trade of Child Sex Slavery fetch the perpetrators billions of dollars. The robber has everything to GAIN for it and our precious children have everything to lose for it.

These precious souls are held in the captivity of sex slavery with fear, intimidation and all kinds of threats. Apart from the fact that their lives are threatened by their slave masters, their being used as sex slaves is a threat to theirs precious lives. Many have actually been killed in the process of being used as sex slaves.

In view of the foregoing, permit us to submit to you our dear young people, we live in a perverted world, where your fellow children suffer frightening and almost irreparable legion of abuses and yet our insensitive world hold the children responsible.

You as children and young people suffer double jeopardy. You are ABUSED and ACCUSED. The abusers do not take RESPONSIBILITY not to talk of turning a new leaf. Deliberately or by default, they come up with narratives, shrouded in misleading labels like ‘Child Marriage,’ ‘Child Prostitution’ and many more.

Unfortunately, some of the genuine defenders of the your rights, both individuals and institutions, in some cases either use or coin these labels, which agree with the narratives of the abusers, without carefully examining same and its impact.

My position on ‘Child Marriage’ and ‘Child Prostitution’ is to expose this subtle game of abusing our precious children and finding convenient narratives to distract the best of us and the rest of the public from the real issues. This subtle trick presents our precious children as the ABUSED and the ACCUSED, thereby sealing their fate and sentencing them to a life of unchecked and perpetual abuse.

The THINK Factor

All I charge you do is as follows that concerning these discussions on Sex and Sexuality and ‘Child Marriage’ and ‘Child Prostitution’ which we have taken some days to discuss, I charge you to think deeper and do as follows:

  • Read carefully
  • Reflect thoroughly
  • Read further
  • Discuss deeply
  • Form opinion
  • Share opinion

With WHOM do you DISCUSS?

  • Your group, if you are using the Handbook as a group
  • Your peers in schools, neighbourhood, religious places of worship and others
  • Your caregivers, parents, teachers and others, who provide cares for you one way or the other
  • Your social media platforms, where you are of age to use them

WHY should you DISCUSS?

  • To share your findings as expressed in our positions, get theirs too and form your informed opinion.

To WHOM do you SHARE your informed opinion?

  • Your peers in schools, neighbourhood, religious places of worship and others
  • Your caregivers, parents, teachers and others, who provide cares for you one way or the other
  • Your social media platforms, where you are of age to use them

WHY should you SHARE?

  • To get others to see what you have seen
  • To build a peaceful army of peers and caregivers, who will ensure that young people like you are protected
  • To be part of the noble cause of building a new generation of young people, who are fully involved in their own safety and protection

 

 

SEX IS BIG: 16 DAYS OF SEX TALK(Day 11): ‘CHILD MARRIAGE’ AND ‘CHILD PROSTITUTION? MIND YOUR LANGUAGE (2)

FOREWORD

Today is the day of the African Child and we wish the precious African Child meaningful Day of the African Child, where your best interest becomes the deciding factor of all the actions or omissions of your primary and secondary caregivers.

Culled from our Instructional Manuals: S.A.F.E™ for YOU

TIP 76

“Child prostitute” implies consent, stigmatizes victims, and downplays the crime” Jon BIRD

Welcome to our discussion today my dear and precious young ones.

I am here to continue our discussion on ‘Child Marriage and ‘Child Prostitution.’ You will recall that yesterday I took time to say to you that the ‘Child Marriage’ is a phrase which creates the wrong impression that a child can be a bride.

Let me make my point further by showing you what I consider to be the basic ingredients of marriage:

  • Capacity: capacity here refers to age or maturity. In this instance, this is a function of number. Anybody below 18 years doesn’t have capacity to enter into marriage. It is important to note that though capacity is measured by age, it also speaks to psychological and physiological development of the parties.
  • Consent: this refers to mutual agreement to enter into a marriage relationship. Even where parties pass the test of capacity, they must of necessity consent to the relationship. Consent here must be an informed consent and not coaxed or induced.
  • Consummation: upon contracting a marriage, there is what is known as consummation of the marriage. This simply refers to sexual intercourse between a man and a woman, who are married. Under the law, a child does not have capacity to give consent to sex voluntarily or induced. Therefore a child cannot consummate a marriage and consummation goes to the root and validity of a marriage relationship. Any sexual relationship with a child in the name of ‘marriage’ is nothing but blatant abuse and violation of the innocence of the precious child, girl or boy.

It is high time that you as young people urge those who campaign for your protection from all forms of abuse go back to the drawing board, with the aim of defining the scope of their social interventions and most importantly, the right language with which to accurately capture same.

It is my belief that traditional definitions cannot help to do justice the cause of protecting our precious children.

I boldly submit today that there is no such thing like ‘Child Marriage.’ Our coinage, ‘Domesticated Child Sexual Abuse or Molestation,’ is an attempt to name this practice for what it is. It may not describe same fully. But it is a call to all genuinely interested defenders of your rights, (including you) to take another but careful look at our noble causes and the terms we employ.

My challenge to you today is to join the crusade that we will not rest until we find expression, which are in compliance with your BEST INTEREST as a young person. Marriage is a sacred and spiritual relationship and it is not meant for children

The THINK Factor

You see, to agree that forcefully giving out a child to a man or woman is ‘Child Marriage’ will mean to say that a paedophile is a husband, a sexually molested child is a wife, and the suspects, who forcefully joined them in ‘crimetrimony’ are in-laws. Do you agree with these thoughts? If you agree or disagree, what are your reasons? Take time to really reflect and share your thoughts in your S.A.F.E™ 4 YOU Personal Journal.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SEX IS BIG: 16 DAYS OF SEX TALK(Day 10): SEX AND SEXUALITY: ‘CHILD MARRIAGE’ AND ‘CHILD PROSTITUTION? MIND YOUR LANGUAGE (1)  

Culled from our Instructional Manuals: S.A.F.E™ for YOU

TIP 75

Children are not prostitutes but victims of crime.’ Thomson Reuters Foundation 

I am glad to be with you today my dear and precious young one. I am still very excited now, like I was when we started this great discussion, leading us to the Promised Land of Personal Safety and Self-Protection.

I am excited because I know that you are reading through these pages, coming in contact with something written for your best interest; as you read, you are increasing learning; and as you increase learning, you become wiser by the day. With wisdom, you are better off, you are countless miles far ahead of the abuser or predator and voluntary and involuntary agents of pain.

I am still discussing this ‘Child Marriage’ and many issues surrounding it. I am interested in proving to you that it is real and you must stand against it for yourself and others, particularly those who cannot speak for themselves. Here are some additional facts to the ones I gave you before.

According to statistics on the UNWOMEN’s website http://www.unwomen.org:

  • 700 million women alive today were said to have been ‘married’ before 18 and more than one-third are said to be less than 15 years old when they were ‘married.’
  • One in three girls in developing countries (except China) gets ‘married’ before they turn 18.’ This translates to the fact that 15(fifteen) million children may be ‘married’ out before they are 18 years and this act truncates their childhood, education, health and gets them to begin to have children when they are themselves children and are not prepared for same both psychologically and physiologically

I have big issues with the expressions known as ‘Child Marriage’ and ‘Child Prostitution.’ I strongly believe that the use of the expressions (‘Child Marriage’ and ‘Child Prostitution’) shields the evil of both practices and gives a sense of legitimacy to the practices.’

Permit me to say to you that by the universally acceptable definition of marriage as voluntary union between a man and a woman, it is impossible for a child to marry or be married.

Therefore what we all inaccurately refer to as ‘Child Marriage’ today is nothing but what I call ‘Domesticated Child Sexual Abuse or Molestation’(DCSA/M)

We are aware that there is a minority of people, who for personal gains or narrow argument from the perspective of religion, who are of the view that a child (any one below 18) could ‘marry’ or be ‘married.’ But it is high time we made it clear that such position does not pass the test of universality of the age-long description of the sacred institution of marriage.

Besides, considering the dire and bizarre consequences of the practice forcing a child into sexual relationship with an adult in the name of ‘marriage,’ it is clear that such is against natural order of creation.

We are also aware that the campaigners against this practice may use the expression of ‘Child Marriage’ for ease of understanding. But my challenge is that we cannot sacrifice truth and universal definitions on the altar of ease of understanding.

A child cannot be said to have ‘married.’ Every child, who is in the house of a man or woman today is not in ‘marriage.’ She or he is suffering from what I have chosen to refer to as ‘Domesticated Child Sexual Abuse or Molestation.’ (DCSA/M).

I think we should end our discussion here today. Tomorrow is another day. Do have an INSPIRED day.

The THINK Factor

What do you think about the term, ‘Child Marriage’? Do you think it exists? Whatever, your response is, please think about the reasons for your response. Take time to really reflect and share your thoughts in your S.A.F.E™ 4 YOU Personal Journal.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SEX IS BIG: 16 DAYS OF SEX TALK(Day 9): SEX AND SEXUALITY: ‘CHILD MARRIAGE’ AS SEXUAL ABUSE 

Culled from our Instructional Manuals: S.A.F.E™ for YOU

TIP 74 

“I have big issues with the expressions known as ‘Child Marriage’ and ‘Child Prostitution.’ I strongly believe that the use of the expressions (‘Child Marriage’ and ‘Child Prostitution.’ shields the evil of both practices and gives a sense of legitimacy to the practices.” Taiwo AKINLAMI

 Welcome to our discussion today my dear and precious young ones. Sure you were able to take some time to think about our discussion yesterday about ‘Consensual Sexual Activity’ and you were able to share your findings with trusted friends.

Today, I want to discuss with you another form of Child Sexual Abuse. It is called Child Marriage and I believe you will find it interesting.

Child marriage is forcing children into marriage. It mostly affects girls but there are also few cases boys being forced into marriage too. Here are the shades of child marriage:

  • A girl child is forced into marriage with a male adult
  • Two children(boy and girl) are forced into marriage
  • A boy child is forced into marriage with a female adult

Child marriage is against the best interest of the child because under the law a child does not have the CAPACITY to give CONSENT for marriage.

According to United Nations Population Funds (UNFPA):

  • Child marriage is a human rights violation;
  • Despite laws against it, the practice remains common, in part because of persistent poverty and gender inequality;
  • In developing countries, one in every three girls is married before reaching age 18. One in nine is married under age 15.
  • Child marriage threatens girls’ lives and health, and it limits their future prospects.
  • Girls pressed into child marriage often become pregnant while still adolescents, increasing the risk of complications in pregnancy or childbirth.
  • These complications are a leading cause of death among older adolescents in developing countries.

According to Sections 21 & 22 of the Child’s Rights Act, 2003, a person below the age of 18 years cannot validly contract marriage, and parents or guardians are also prohibited from betrothing or giving their children out in marriage

What I have done today is to bring you the facts as they are both from statistics and the law. I do not intend to do much in discussing more than this today. Later in our discussions, I will look into this issue of ‘Child Marriage’ again and link same with another issue called ‘Child Prostitution.’ Please be expectant and excited to learn about these issues. Do have an INSPIRED day.

The THINK Factor

‘Child Marriage’ is today very rampant among the poor and their precious children. If you are from a highly placed or middle class family. Why do you think this matter should concern you? I want you to really think about this. Take time to really reflect and share your thoughts in your S.A.F.E™ 4 YOU Personal Journal.

 

SEX IS BIG: 16 DAYS OF SEX TALK(Day 8): SEX AND SEXUALITY: WHAT DO YOU KNOW? (3)

Culled from our Instructional Manuals: S.A.F.E™ for YOU

TIP 73

“If you can control yourself sexually, you can control yourself.  Period.” A. GREEN

I am sure you are doing great today my dear and precious young ones. I am sure you believe me when I tell you, you are dear and precious. You really are dear to my heart because, without you a family and a nation does not have a future. You are precious because you are the hope for today and the future both for yourself, your family and your nation.

So, if the next time you see the words, ‘dear’ and ‘precious’, as you have been seen it here, just know that I mean it with all my breath. How do you now know that you believe it? Yes, this is how you know, you will not treat yourself less than dear and precious and you will never allow any living being to treat you less than dear and precious.

It is a long introduction, right? Yes, I know, I just have this strong nudge in my heart to share this with you before I journey into our discussion today.

Yes, today, I am still looking at the Sex and Sexuality issues and I am asking the question: HAVE WE LOST CONTROL?

We all seem to have lost control in the face of over democratization of media platforms. Hmm…What is this big word, ‘over democratization of media platforms’? Do not mind me. It is the lawyer in me that wrote that. It simply means availability of many media platforms, particularly, social media platforms, which you are very much used to.

We are not able to define the pressure, not to talk accepting the need to acquire the requisite and inevitable skills to deal with same in our best interest as young people.

Today, the media, working and banking on our ignorance and unconsciousness does not teach you about your SEXUALITY. There is no plan in horizon on the part of today’s media, its promoters and investors and our caregivers to change their course of actions. The promoters and investors of the media smile to the banks, destroying the destiny of our precious children and young people, cruising comfortably at a very high altitude of our ignorance and nonchalance as both young and old.

The agenda of those who know better and seek to represent the protection of children from this war of indecent exposure and bastardization of their God-given and priceless gift of SEXUALITY is very high in unguarded anger and erratic intervention. The agenda of the defenders of our children is very weak in vision, strategy, tactics, persistency, selflessness and sense of mission. We often think that a good cause succeeds simply because it is good. Unknown to us, causes, good or bad succeed because of the total commitment of their champions to finding and adhering to superior strategy, based on critical thinking and intelligence. I guess that is why Montesquieu said, ‘power does not shift except for superior power.’

I have long argued that exposing children to inappropriate media contents, with direct sexual contents or suggestions constitutes nothing but sexual abuse as it perverts the children’s understanding of their sexuality. The implication of this is that it puts our precious children in a sad situation, where they participate actively in their own abuse either as perpetrated by a peer or an adult.

It is my  very SOBER and careful conclusion today that as you join this discussion, you must make a deliberate commitment to stop the present ugly tide, which prepares and serves you as a young person as ready prey of sexual abuse to your peers and adults.

You must begin serious conversations with your peers and caregivers, which aim is to help DISCOVER and DEFEND your SEXUALITY as a mental and spiritual tool to understand the essence of our gender and how to take adequate and informed steps to PRESERVE, PROTECT, DEFEND and CELEBRATE Same.

It is CHILDHOOD and its GLORY which come under cruel but subtle attack when our precious children are sexually abused through exposure to inappropriate materials.

The THINK Factor

I Charge you to think about our discussion today and ask yourself what you would do to join the fight to restore sanity to our airwaves, first in your personal life and second with people very close to you as family and friends. Do not take this lightly. Decide to do something, knowing that CHANGE starts with ONE and that ONE is YOU! Take time to really reflect and share your thoughts in your S.A.F.E™ 4 YOU Personal Journal.

 

SEX IS BIG: 16 DAYS OF SEX TALK(Day 6): SEX AND SEXUALITY: WHAT DO YOU KNOW? (1)

Culled from our Instructional Manuals: S.A.F.E™ for YOU

TIP 71

“Sentence every immoral thought for detention and prosecution. Immorality is a powerful gadget that brings down great monuments of success. Don’t entertain immorality.” Israelmore AVIVOR

My dear and precious young ones, I feel very great to come before you today, knowing that I find being in your company a great honour. I am so glad to be in the midst of those whose fate of humanity is in their hands according to Abraham Lincoln.

Today, I am interested in drawing for you a line between Sex and Sexuality, which may help you to understand the reason why many young people today are engaged in ‘Consensual Sexual Activity’.

Alas! You are exposed…You are over-exposed to sex, its knowledge, practices and perversions. We mean you are not only exposed to the knowledge, you sometimes engage or indulge yourselves in the act.

You do not need to look too far to see the point we are making. With careless socialization today, which promote sex as the acceptable social language of interaction of the 21st Century, young people are bound to know more than enough and necessary.

From music, movies, adverts to social media, you see a large dose of indecent materials daily, too bad for your young and developing minds.

My concern today is that as young people, you know so much about sex, its practices and multi-level perversions, which have terrible physical and psychological impact on our young minds. The depth of your knowledge will only shock the naïve caregivers, who are either ignorant or pretend to be ignorant of the fact that as children and teenagers by the design of nature, you take after the dominant nature of their environment. That what I mean by socialization, which I mention earlier in our discussion. Your behaviour today is a picture of your psychology. But your psychology comes from your socialization. That is why I keep saying that socialization is superior to psychology.

My concern today is that your knowledge of SEX as young people far outweighs your knowledge of your SEXUALITY.

In fact I make bold to say that you seem to know everything about SEX and almost nothing about your SEXUALITY.

Recently, I was dealing with the case of a 3(three) old boy who was climbing girl children in his class. The other day I was invited by a school to deal with the issue of a 12 year old boy in Junior Secondary school, who derived pleasure from touching the breasts of female students and running away. It became a very rampant habit the led to sending him on suspension after several warnings and meeting with his parents. The school was amazed that upon resumption, the child resumed the habit. The school was on the verge of expelling the child, as his case seemed irredeemable.

Hmm…I think we should end here today. Tomorrow, I will share with you about the difference between sex and sexuality.

The THINK Factor

I charge you to think today about what you are exposed to as a child/teenager and the impact of same on your understanding of sex and its practice. Have you noticed any specific positive or negative sexual behaviour in you as a result of what you are exposed to as a young person?  Take time to really reflect and share your thoughts in your S.A.F.E™ 4 YOU Personal Journal.