Opening Charge

‘Custodians do not understand that even when a child needs correction; it cannot be done in anger. Once we attempt to correct a child in anger, we do not communicate discipline, which is the goal of correction, we pass on anger. The tragedy of this kind of situation is that we end up raising angry children.  And when a child is angry, he is a kettle of gun powder, which may explode on himself as a suicide bomber, on the family, fellow children and the society in general. Hitler was an abused and angry child, who became an angry adult. He prosecuted the Second World War, which has been described as the ‘deadliest military conflict in history’ in which over 60 million people were killed, which was over 2.5% of the world population.’

Friends, sure you are doing well today. Please join me as I share with you the 8^th core habit of a purposeful, disciplined and effective disciplinarian: Banish anger

Anger must be banished when it comes to child discipline and development. This is a difficult habit to cultivate considering the survival state of our nation and continent. Majority of our citizenry is involved in the rat race. Those who run in a rat race run the endless race under intense pressure. They live from hand to mouth and in the gap between the hand and the mouth is resides the fullness of anger. When the rat race becomes chronic, the mouths and the hands of the runners become infected with anger too.

The rat race runners are angry about their existence, their spouses, their children, the system and everything and everyone within their view. A lot of times the runners believe that the political leadership is their problem and they are always clueless as to how to change political power. The implication of the foregoing is that the weakest around them begin to suffer transferred aggression.

Anger is the number one precursor for abuse. A lot of times we find custodians in the rat race mete out punishment to their wards that is not commensurate with whatever the child might have been accused of or the worst misdemeanour any child could be accused of anywhere in the world. You see custodians using hot iron, blade, knife, club and other bizarre weapons on their children. I was once in a matter where a father cut off his son’s penis when he was asleep in the name of inflicting punishment. I think a combination of rat race and poverty work actively not only to create anger but also madness. The truth is that poverty robs a man of his dignity of human person. The first manifestation is that he/she has no respect for his/her life. If he/she is expected to love his/her neighbour as him/herself, then he/she could be excused if he has no respect for the life of his/her children.

While I do not support child abuse for whatever reason, I strongly believe that any attempt by any person or private or public institution to rid our society of child abuse without a conscious attempt to find adequate and lasting solution to poverty will end in ludicrous futility.

In my work, ‘Child Protection in Africa: 60 Human Hindrances YOU must KNOW and AVOID in THE BEST INTEREST OF YOUR CHILD,’ I identified as one of the human hindrance to the protection of the child, the Angry. I submitted as follows: ‘many are angry for many reasons and the custodians of the life of the child are no exceptions. Some are angry against the system, some against their spouse. As I once shared on this platform, the word children is an acronym, where D stands for delightful. I opined that children are delightful beings and full of innocence and unblemished simplicity. I further postulated that a child does not have the capacity to make any adult angry, except an adult, who already has anger in him. What children suffer from angry custodians a lot of time is transferred aggression.

Custodians do not understand that even when a child needs correction; it cannot be done in anger. Once we attempt to correct a child in anger, we do not communicate discipline, which is the goal of correction, we pass on anger. The tragedy of this kind of situation is that we end up raising angry children.  And when a child is angry, he is a kettle of gun powder, which may explode on himself as a suicide bomber, on the family, fellow children and the society in general. Hitler was an abused and angry child, who became an angry adult. He prosecuted the Second World War, which has been described as the ‘deadliest military conflict in history’ in which over 60 million people were killed, which was over 2.5% of the world population.

Ted Bundy grew up angry and he confessed to thirty murders, but investigation concluded that he murdered between thirty-five and hundred people. The fact that he read psychology as his first degree did not solve his anger problem. Same was Idi Amin Dada of Uganda, who did not only run down his country, but was accused of cannibalism.’

As I sign out today, I admonish that we must make a commitment not to communicate to the child anger but discipline. I think the best way to achieve this is to calm down at the point, when we believe the child has done wrong. Take time to articulate what he/she has done wrong, determine the appropriate correction, offer the opportunity of defence and thereafter make your conclusions. You may want to give it more time before coming to a conclusion. The truth of the matter is that nothing is as it first appears, therefore, it is important to hear the child out before coming to our conclusion. When we go through this process, we are extending respect to the child and we are boosting his/her dignity of human person, which is the primary and the major key to his/her peace, relevance and significance in life.

I hope you found your visiting here today worth the time spent. I look forward to seeing you tomorrow. Stay INSPIRED.

Think the Child…Think Today…Think the Future…

POINT 2 PONDER:

‘I admonish that we must make a commitment not to communicate to the child anger but discipline. I think the best way to achieve this is to calm down at the point, when we believe the child has done wrong. Take time to articulate what he/she has done wrong, determine the appropriate correction, offer the opportunity of defence and thereafter make your conclusions. You may want to give it more time before coming to a conclusion.’

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